Bet you thought I wasn't coming back! Well I did. Now let's continue the story:
As Obi-Wan and I stood on the edge of the river Acheron, a boat drifted towards us, captained by a solitary figure. "Charon!" my master called out, "come. You must ferry me and my companion to the other side."
"I can take you, Jedi. But you're companion still has a living soul, and cannot pass here," replied Charon.
"What if I knocked him unconscious, would that do?" replied my master.
"Yeah, I'll let that slide."
"Wait, wha-" I started to say, and then world went black.
I awoke with the back of my head throbbing. Rubbing it, I looked around, and saw the old Jedi. "Ugh, what was that about? You could have warned me, you know." Obi-Wan looked at me and simply raised his eyebrows. "Well where are we anyhow?" I asked him.
"We are in Limbo, the outermost circle of Hell. Here reside those who were virtuous in life, but cannot go to Heaven because nobody dumped some water on their heads. Even those who could not possibly have been baptized because they lived before the ritual was invented, or come from a galaxy far, far away, must linger here for eternity. There's not a lot of logic to it. Kind of like on a boat with women and children first. I mean why should they..."
"Did you just quote Arrested Development?" I asked, stunned.
"Yeah," he replied. "We're dead, so we don't have any responsibilities, and we've been here for eternity, so we have a lot of free time. The invention of the TV has really helped. Anyway, let's keep moving, we have a long way yet to go."
As we walked along, Obi-Wan pointed out the great thinkers of history, like Socrates and Plato, Euclid and Archimedes. I longed to talk to them, but they were in the middle of an episode of How I Met Your Mother.
At last we came to an imposing figure. "This is Minos, the judge of the dead. Long ago he was the king of Crete. Now he decides which circle a sinner will spend eternity in. Come, let us speak to him," my guide said to me as we approached Minos.
"Halt!" he cried out. "I have been on the lookout for two souls of your description, one living, the other dead. You cannot pass here!"
"We are not the souls you are looking for," Obi-Wan said with the wave of his hand.
"You are not the souls I am looking for!" boomed Minos.
"We can go about our business," replied the old Jedi.
"You can go about your business," said the judge of the dead.
And we passed deeper into Hell without further molestation.
"That was AWESOME!" I shouted when we had gotten out of earshot of the ancient king.
"Just an old trick I knew," Obi-Wan said, and winked at me knowingly.
Tune in next time to find out what horrors lay ahead in the depths of Hell!
Pat is Crazy.
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