Happy New Year!

Medical Alert!

To the citizens of Minneapolis: A Medical Alert has been issued for Hennepin County. Crazy Pat has been reported to have come down with a serious case of hookfoot. While the exact details are unknown at this time, we have some ideas of what may have happened:

This is a matter to take very seriously, as the disease is considered to be very contagious. Again, this is a level RED situation - do not approach Pat under any circumstances. However, we do have Pat under the proper containment for the time being:

Merry Patmas!

Happy holidays from patiscrazy.blogspot.com!

Pat is a Flag Snatcher

Pat violated his lifetime ban from attending NFL games last Sunday in order to see the Chiefs and Titans battle it out at Arrowhead. Unfortunately Pat once again showed his irresponsibility- not even being a Chiefs fan, he still had the nerve to steal this guy's flag:



Pat just doesn't have any respect for football (or America).

Pat Played Football in High School

In 1995, Pat attended the Bears v. Packers game on Monday Night Football. And then he did this:



Pat is crazy. He is now banned from attending NFL games. I don't know why he gave a fake name and high school though. Meh.

Pat went to Harvard

Pat is crazy.

Attention!

Pat "Single Space" Mathiesen is out of control. Check the sidebar for the most up to date status of Pat's craziness.

Hypocrisy!

Joe UUUUU is one of the leaders of the anti-Ben Hogan hat movement, but here he is photographed wearing a Ben Hogan hat! Note also that he has a beard, another thing he has been against in the past. Unbelievable. Pat is crazy.



*This photo might have been doctored.

UPDATE: I changed the photo because I heard complaints that the Ben Hogan hat looked too much like a beret. Which it is not. Pat is crazy.

Goldy the Beaver

Crazy Pat does not know what a gopher is. He thinks that a gopher is the same thing as a beaver. That explains this commercial that Pat wrote.



Pat is crazy.

You have earned a rank king

Pat has some bitchin' dance movies, I wish he would take off that damn mask.



SURPRISE!!!!!

(The previous post has been rated PG-13 for strong language and graphic scenes)
Pat is crazy

Mmmm...Steroids

Well, the Mitchell Report was just released today, and there were some shocking revelations in it! Roger Clemens was named (who didn't see that coming?) and Rondell White! But the most surprising thing in the report dealt with our own Crazy Pat. No, Pat did not take steroids. He secretes them from his skin and sells it to professional athletes. Pat is crazy.

Spider attacks space shuttle

A giant spider attacked the space shuttle the other day:














Video.

Pat's New Mentor

Pat has recently decided to take up a new career. He has become the apprentice for the World Famous Bushman, who works the streets of San Francisco. Pat decided to take up this new career when he heard that the Bushman makes a reported $60,000 per year, more than the average american. In case you Minnesotans somehow haven't heard of the World Famous Bushman, here's an interview he did:



Pat is crazy.

Google Ron Paul

"Actually, I agree with him most of the time. I really do..."




Pat is crazy, and so is this ad.

There Are No Trees In Baseball

Crazy Pat wanted to help the environment by planting a tree. Nobody told him he shouldn't do it in the middle of a baseball field. (I had originally intended that the link lead directly to the video, but I can't seem to get that to work. So click on the link, and then click on "Good Samaritan." Feel free to watch the other videos there as well!)

*This post by Oakland Steve has been brought to you by the Oakland A's.

And now a word from our sponsor...

Today is a proud day for us here at Pat is Crazy. A truly legendary and classy company has come on board with us in support of our mission. I will now stand aside and hand over the podium to our new partner.




That's right, from St. Paul, Minnesota, I would like to introduce Hamm's, the beer from the land of sky blue waters! It's the smooth beer with a mellow flavor brewed fresh with sky blue water. You can locate Hamm's Premium, Golden Draft, and special Light at your local liquor store.

Best Posts of November

I know all of you have been eagerly awaiting the nominees for the best posts of November; well here they are:

~Best Original Post~
A pig ridin' a hog
Adventures of Oakland Steve
Bob Dylan is Hungry!
Happy Football!
Pat's former job

~Best Video or Variety Post~
A Series of Tubes
Public Service Announcement
Tobor!
Yip Yip

Vote in the sidebar.

--The winners from October---

Best Original Post: Exorcism of Emily Rose
Best Video or Variety Post: Cheezy

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Togas in winter?

I see it now.

Togas: Arctic Warfare Edition.


Pat is crazy.

Swift Kids for Truth

Remember?

Just Ram it!

Another little known fact: Pat was the choreographer for the 1986 Los Angeles Rams:



Do you know how to Ram it?

Update: You can no longer Ram it, so this will have to do (look for #86 Mike Tice).

Update II: We are the Grabowskis baby.

Pat is a mean man.

Pat is crazy and cages innocent pokemon.

Pat's Adventures

Pat's craziness can partly be attributed to his adventures all over.

Ben Hogan is happy

Back in the day of yonder, Ben Hogan, the best ball striker ever to grace a golf course made a fashion statement.


For some unknown reason, the style never really caught on for persons under 80.
In the 50+ years since hogan's prime, exactly one man dared to wear that hat, and he wore knickers...


The combination drew laughter and applause from the gallery as they assumed Payne Stewart was making a joke. It was no joke, as Stewart continued to embarrass himself for the next 17 years.
Stewart later died in a horrific plane wreck, which goes to show you, if you wear the "Ben Hogan" hat, you will die in a plane crash somewhere over South Dakota. (probably because Crazy Pat will shoot you down)

Adventures Of Oakland Steve

Over Thanksgiving, I went back to Oakland. After stuffing myself with my family on Thanksgiving, some friends and I decided to get some food we'd really enjoy. Naturally, we went to In-N-Out and had some delicious double-doubles.

Everything was great. On our way back from In-N-Out, however, we witnessed something disturbing. While sitting at a red light, we saw the woman in the car next to us pick her nose. And eat her boogers. Repeatedly.

It was disgusting. Pat is crazy.

Happy Football!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tobor!

Pat has this type of insurance:



Pat is crazy.

Pat's former job

A little known fact was discovered by us here at Pat is crazy. During a short period of time in 1992, pat drove an ambulance for HCMC. This was of course before he was fired for gross negligence, but we have found video evidence from the era.



I give a heartfelt belated apologies to the families of these brave men.

LB #58, We hardly knew ye

I am hungry

Which occasionally explains this:



















But I'm not crazy:




















Pat, on the other hand, is crazy, which explains why he usually orders extra E. coli on his pizza.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Pat thinks he remembers hearing about this on the History Channel. Pat is crazy.

A pig ridin' a hog

Some people seem to believe that I let the police into the apartment unabated this weekend. This is absolutely untrue. If I remember correctly, and I do, this is how the night went.

We were sitting in the apartment minding our own business, when we heard a visitor at the door.

Being the wise young man I am, I looked through the peephole and greeted the officers outside.
While I was kindly talking with Minneapolis' finest, Crazy Pat flew in to save the day, making the remainder of us dumbfounded.
In a strange twist of events Pat actually saves the day, as we rejoice around the bonfire. Pat is crazy

Public Service Announcement

That's right Joe, getting busted is no party. Start at 38:00 for those too lazy to watch entire video:

Turkey

This gentleman answered turkey multiple times:



Could it be this guy answered turkey because Pat is from Turkey?


Or perhaps because Pat is a turkey?


The world may never know.

Cleaning the Lint Screen

Here's my question: why don't people clean out their own lint, rather than cleaning the lint from a stranger?

Yip Yip

Cow?



Pat is crazy.

Blinds are crazy

Who the hell invented blinds? They are so crazily complicated many speculate they were invented by our own Pat.




Blinds can be very dangerous, in fact blind entanglement is the leading cause of death for house cats.



We can only hope the day of the curtain will someday return...

Bob Dylan Is Hungry

Recently, some of Bob Dylan's original studio recordings have been uncovered. On one of these recordings, it was discovered that Dylan's popular song, "Hurricane" originally had some rather strange lyrics. It seems that Dylan got extremely hungry in the middle of recording the nearly 9 minute long song, and it showed. Here are the lyrics in the final version:

Rubin could take a man out with just one punch
But he never did like to talk about it all that much
It's my work he'd say and I do it for pay
And when it's over I'd just as soon go on my way
Up to some paradise
Where the trout streams flow and the air is nice
And ride a horse along a trail
But then they took him to the jailhouse
Where they try to turn a man into a mouse.

Now here are the original lyrics:

Rubin could take a man out with just one punch
Hey, why don't we go get some Chinese food for lunch?
I want some chow mein I'll say, and then I'll pay
And get it to-go so I can soon be on my way
Up to some paradise
Where the trout streams flow and the air is nice
And ride a horse along a trail
Oh, they took Rubin to the jailhouse
Where they try to turn a man into a mouse.

Pat doesn't understand why he changed the lyrics. Pat is crazy.

Soulja Boy

Pat knows the dance moves to this song. Pat is crazy:

Best Posts of October

And the nominations are:

~Best Original Post~
-Beware the Beard
-Exorcism of Emily Rose
-Pat is Crazy Alert System
-Scotch-toberfest!
-Where are the Pillows?

~Best Video or Variety Post~
-Cheezy
-Hot Pocket!
-Solidarity forever
-Spicy!

Make sure to vote!

A Series of Tubes

Ted Stevens is making sense:



Pat is crazy.

In defense of Tyler Hirsch

Some of you might know of the events at the 2004 Final Five with Tyler Hirsch. Here's a refresher for those of you who haven't seen what took place.


This has led some to call Tyler "crazy," not Pat-crazy, but still crazy indeed.
With all due respect though, this is what the crowd saw:

This is what Tyler saw:

Can you really blame him? he was just trying to do the world a favor, Pat is crazy.

Where the hell is Joe?

Pat is crazy...Where is Joe?

Where are the pillows?

Update: Thank you Pillow Gods.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

A while back, we here at Pat Is Crazy had a party at our place. A lot of people showed up, and while we didn't personally know everybody at the party, everybody at least knew a person that we did know. Everybody, that is, except for Emily Rose. Nobody had any clue who she was, or how she came to be at our party. Here's a brief account of the night:

Everybody was having a good time. Crazy Pat did a barrel roll.
And then there was a puff of smoke, and Emily Rose appeared.
Literally within seconds, she was making out with a random guy.

[Picture removed due to explicit content]

After the smoke had cleared, Emily Rose started talking to Crazy Pat, totally ignoring the warnings of the Pat Is Crazy Alert System.

Crazy Pat promptly stabbed Emily Rose in the hand, then picked her up and threw her out the window. Pat is crazy. The end.

Solidarity forever

Whoa, Pat is crazy:



History of AFSCME.

Booyakasha!

Don't Be Disrespectful

The following is based on actual events.*

Crazy Pat, Joe, and I attended a Gopher hockey game recently. At the game, we joined the rest of the crowd in the custumary cheers. (Billy Sauer was the opposing goaltender)

However, some old people sitting near us did not appreciate our dedication to the team.

So Pat killed and ate them. Pat is crazy. The end.


*Certain portions of the events may have been fabricated.

Keep your pets spayed or beaten

"Lou Piniella is my new hero because of this picture" - Pat

I'm gonna really hand it to Lou in this one though. Most managers only kick dirt in the umpire's face to prove a point, best part is, somehow he got the umpire to reverse the call!

Pat was that umpire.
Pat is crazy

Book of the Month

Here's an excerpt from the Pat Is Crazy Book of the Month.

And the Pattie goes too...

This weekend's Pattie award for excellence in the crazy arts goes to the officiating crew at the Louisville v. UConn football game. Let's take a look at the call that made this achievement possible:

Great googly moogly!

Go Chefs:



Pat is crazy.

Dream On

Alexander Ovechkin is crazy good at hockey.
Pat is still just crazy.

I'm Pat Buchanan

Well, we took the long way home, but I finally got here. And I want to thank Joe, and remove any doubt about where we stand: The vote is over, the heart is strong again, and the Buchanan brigades are enlisted! It was close but we won. By a single vote we came out on top! Thank you Palm Beach County!

Like many of you last week, I watched that giant masquerade ball at the Metrodome--where 20,000 radicals and liberals came dressed up as squids and Spicy Chicken burgers--in the greatest single exhibition of cross-dressing in American political history.

One by one, the prophets of doom appeared at the podium. The Nerga decade, they moaned, was a terrible time in America; and the only way to prevent even worse times, they said, is to entrust our nation's fate and future to the party that gave us Joe's beer cans, a Reddi wip cart, a box of chalk and Michael Dukakis.

No way, my friends. The American people are not going to buy back into the failed cheetoism of yesteryear--no matter how cheezy the package may be. But with all of that said it is time to get down to business. Crazy Pat's plan for America is a disaster. At the top of his desires is unrestricted Hamms on demand.

Moreover, Crazy Pat has enlisted a militant leader of the homosexual rights movement, Oakland Steve, to promote homosexuality in our children's schools. Friends, these are radical people. The change Crazy Pat would impose on America--Hamms on demand, a litmus test for Hot Pockets, homosexual rights, women in the workplace--that's change, all right. But it is not the kind of change America wants. It is not the kind of change America needs. And it is not the kind of change we can tolerate in a nation that we still call God's country.

God bless you, and God bless America.

History of Oil

Pat is oil crazy:



Update: For those too lazy to watch the entire history of oil-

Here's a shorter clip...but you should watch the whole show.

Cheezy

Pat's weekend in 15 seconds.

Family Guy - Cooler Than That Cheetah Guy | Funny Jokes at JibJab

That is one crazy bastard.

Dun dunnnn dun-dun! Dunnnn dun dun-dun dun-dun!

This song goes on crazy long, but not as long as Pat's crazy beard.

Crazy Pat in 1984 sans beard.

Squid is a fantastic word

Pat, today's word is squid. Squid, squid, squid, squid, squid. Good day, and good squid.

Let's All Go to the Lobby!

Pat is movie crazy:

Beware the Beard

Note: For the following post, I have dressed Pat up as the Stanford Tree:
I promise you will not be able to tell the difference.

The evidence is really piling up against Pat. I have found pictures of three men: "The Montana Madman" Ted Kaczinski, "Crazy Ol'" Saddam Hussein, and Crazy Pat.











Who is crazier I ask you? None of these three men have shaved in months, but neither Saddam or Ted were crazy enough to wear a bow tie, ever, or that ridiculous bone necklace. Pat is crazy