All commercials are annoying, but usually they don't make me actively angry. Well, Apple has changed that with their latest batch of iPhone 5 commercials. Take this one for example:
It is the single most infuriating commercial ever produced. "Well I guess the laws of physics are more like general guidelines." I want to kick every person involved with this commercial directly in the balls as hard as I can. I knew marketing people were idiots, but c'mon. I can't even bring myself to explain what is wrong with this commercial because it is so obvious, and also painful to think about. I never liked Apple, but now I actively dislike it.
And that commercial is just the tip of the shitberg. There's also the "iPhone 5 screen is exactly the right size because this is the range of your thumb" commercial, which implies that Apple is the only one smart enough to realize that hand-held devices should be the size of your hands. Also, should people with smaller hands buy the older iPhones with the smaller screens? What about Shaq? Is apple going to make an XL model for him? Oh wait, that's the iPad.
Finally, is the "earphones shaped like your ears" commercial. First off, those are not shaped like an ear, and are indubitably just as uncomfortable as any other earphone. Second, if it's so "common sense" to make earphones that way, why'd it take you so damn long to figure it out? Now that I think about it though, the utter smugness of this commercial perfectly matches the stereotype of Apple users, so bravo on that one, Apple marketing team. Bravo.
Pat is crazy.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
How to Find Pat Is Crazy
The top ten things people googled that lead them to this stupid, stupid site:
1. cj wilson - I wrote one article about how I hate CJ Wilson a long time ago. Who'd have thought that would be the most popular thing I've even written? I mean, it was really quite terrible... kind of like CJ Wilson...
2. old man wandering - This one I really have no idea how it leads here. Maybe from that long ago post about the old people who sat behind us at the hockey game? Either way, it amuses me greatly.
3.can you bernie lean - Let's Go Oakland!
4.crazy mind fuck ideas - This one is all Justin. I enjoy the fact that someone came here looking for "crazy mind fuck ideas." He was probably disappointed.
5.crazy pat - It's kind of sad that this is only number 5 on the list.
6. harry potter nummer 1 - Apparently this is a great site for people who had to watch the harry potter movies because they couldn't read.
7. hate fucked harry potter - It's also a great site for people who do not speak english well and hate harry potter.
8. is immortal technique crazy- Unfortunately, all this person found out from this site is that Pat is crazy. No word on Immortal Technique's sanity.
9. mind fucked ideas - I guess not all mind fucked ideas are crazy.
10.mindfuck ideas - Is "mind fuck" one word or two?
1. cj wilson - I wrote one article about how I hate CJ Wilson a long time ago. Who'd have thought that would be the most popular thing I've even written? I mean, it was really quite terrible... kind of like CJ Wilson...
2. old man wandering - This one I really have no idea how it leads here. Maybe from that long ago post about the old people who sat behind us at the hockey game? Either way, it amuses me greatly.
3.can you bernie lean - Let's Go Oakland!
4.crazy mind fuck ideas - This one is all Justin. I enjoy the fact that someone came here looking for "crazy mind fuck ideas." He was probably disappointed.
5.crazy pat - It's kind of sad that this is only number 5 on the list.
6. harry potter nummer 1 - Apparently this is a great site for people who had to watch the harry potter movies because they couldn't read.
7. hate fucked harry potter - It's also a great site for people who do not speak english well and hate harry potter.
8. is immortal technique crazy- Unfortunately, all this person found out from this site is that Pat is crazy. No word on Immortal Technique's sanity.
9. mind fucked ideas - I guess not all mind fucked ideas are crazy.
10.mindfuck ideas - Is "mind fuck" one word or two?
Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Are You Experienced
Get ready to have your face melted off, because this week's featured album is by the guitar hero-led group, the Jimi Hendrix Experience. What better place to start than with their debut album, Are You Experienced?
Release Date: May 12, 1967
Singles: Hey Joe, Purple Haze, The Wind Cries Mary
Let me begin today with a quick technical note: I, living in the US, have the US version of the album, which differs in the following way from the original British release: "Red House," "Can You See Me," and "Remember" are replaced on the US version with the hit singles, "Hey Joe," "Purple Haze," and "The Wind Cries Mary," and the order of the songs is changed.
The result of these changes is that nearly 50 years later, this album sounds like a best-of. There are more tracks that get air-time on today's oldies stations than don't. With a debut album like this, it is easy to see why Jimi Hendrix was able to achieve Rock God status despite his tragically short time on the scene.
Rating: One flaming guitar up - This album is pretty much a must own for anybody who likes the rock 'n' roll music. The only problem is that it's pretty hard to find a good used copy (which I finally did. Woohoo!), so you may want to fork over the $20+ for a new copy.
And now here's the title track, for your enjoyment:
Pat is crazy.
Release Date: May 12, 1967
Singles: Hey Joe, Purple Haze, The Wind Cries Mary
Let me begin today with a quick technical note: I, living in the US, have the US version of the album, which differs in the following way from the original British release: "Red House," "Can You See Me," and "Remember" are replaced on the US version with the hit singles, "Hey Joe," "Purple Haze," and "The Wind Cries Mary," and the order of the songs is changed.
The result of these changes is that nearly 50 years later, this album sounds like a best-of. There are more tracks that get air-time on today's oldies stations than don't. With a debut album like this, it is easy to see why Jimi Hendrix was able to achieve Rock God status despite his tragically short time on the scene.
Rating: One flaming guitar up - This album is pretty much a must own for anybody who likes the rock 'n' roll music. The only problem is that it's pretty hard to find a good used copy (which I finally did. Woohoo!), so you may want to fork over the $20+ for a new copy.
And now here's the title track, for your enjoyment:
Pat is crazy.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Crosby, Stills & Nash
The random album generator has spit out another one for us to consider this week. You may recognize many of the songs because they appeared earlier already on the most ridiculous best of album in history, So Far. This week it's the Neil Young-less songs from that album. Yes, it's Crosby, Stills & Nash.
Release Date: May 29, 1969
Singles: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, Marrakesh Express
Before we get into the music, a fun story about the cover art. The group found an abandoned house and posed for the picture seen above. However, this photo was taken before they decided on the name of their band, which of course is Crosby, Stills & Nash. The problem with that is that in the photo they are sitting, from left to right, Nash, Stills, and Crosby. In order to prevent people getting confused about who is who, the band decided to go back to the house and take another photo, this time sitting in the correct order. So why is it that they do not appear in that order on the album cover pictured above? The house had been demolished, and they couldn't retake the picture.
So how does a group that only has two albums make a best of album? They have two really good albums, and this is the first of those two. The album starts off strong with three of the group's hits, "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes," "Marrakesh Express," and "Guinnevere." The second side starts with another hit song, "Wooden Ships." The rest of the album is strong, and many of the songs probably could have charted if they had been released as singles. Another interesting note about this album is that it features two love songs inspired by Joni Mitchell - written by two different men: Crosby and Nash. No word on whether Stills wrote one that didn't make the cut.
Rating: 12 thumbs up - This is the kind of album a supergroup like Crosby, Stills & Nash is supposed to put out. All three of them had been members of successful bands before coming together, but this album rocketed the trio to the status of rock legends.
Here's "Pre-Road Downs," which didn't make the cut for So Far, but is still a great song. Enjoy!
Pat is crazy.
Release Date: May 29, 1969
Singles: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, Marrakesh Express
Before we get into the music, a fun story about the cover art. The group found an abandoned house and posed for the picture seen above. However, this photo was taken before they decided on the name of their band, which of course is Crosby, Stills & Nash. The problem with that is that in the photo they are sitting, from left to right, Nash, Stills, and Crosby. In order to prevent people getting confused about who is who, the band decided to go back to the house and take another photo, this time sitting in the correct order. So why is it that they do not appear in that order on the album cover pictured above? The house had been demolished, and they couldn't retake the picture.
So how does a group that only has two albums make a best of album? They have two really good albums, and this is the first of those two. The album starts off strong with three of the group's hits, "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes," "Marrakesh Express," and "Guinnevere." The second side starts with another hit song, "Wooden Ships." The rest of the album is strong, and many of the songs probably could have charted if they had been released as singles. Another interesting note about this album is that it features two love songs inspired by Joni Mitchell - written by two different men: Crosby and Nash. No word on whether Stills wrote one that didn't make the cut.
Rating: 12 thumbs up - This is the kind of album a supergroup like Crosby, Stills & Nash is supposed to put out. All three of them had been members of successful bands before coming together, but this album rocketed the trio to the status of rock legends.
Here's "Pre-Road Downs," which didn't make the cut for So Far, but is still a great song. Enjoy!
Pat is crazy.
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