Oakland's Inferno - Part III

Here is the long awaited part three of my journey. Here are Part I and Part II in the likely case you have no idea what I'm talking about.

As my guide, Obi-Wan, and I walked along the perilous path through hell, a great wind began to blow. "We are now entering the second circle of hell, where those who succumbed to desire reside," my master informed me.

As I struggled to keep my eyes open before the fierce gusts, I looked around for the tortured souls of the lustful, but could not find anyone. "Where are they, Obi-Wan?" The old jedi smiled as I followed his gaze upwards.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!" cried a shade as it soared above us, being blown about by the wind. As I looked closer, I noticed that the sky was filled with shades like this one.

"Wow!" I said. "That must be quite a thrill! I'd love to talk with one of them and hear about how they got here."

With a wave of Obi-Wan's hand, one of the souls imprisoned in this circle floated down towards us. "O condemned soul, my friend here is curious to learn more about your plight. Please, tell us who you are, and how you ended up here," he said to the soul.

"I am Sir Lancelot of Camelot. While I lived, I did many great deeds. Alas, it was my love for my lord's lovely lady Guinevere that has doomed me to this place. Our love was forbidden, and was a destructive force. In the end I lost everything. After Arthur died, Lady Guinevere became a nun, and I a hermit. Long did I live afterwards, and eventually I came to peace with the actions of my youth, but I guess that God did not, for he sent my soul here upon my death."

"Man, that is rough," I responded.

"Actually, it's not that bad here," replied Lancelot. "I fly around all day like a bird. The worst part is simply that we are here for eternity, and that there is not much to do. We're all great philosophers now, since we have had so much time to think. If you would like, I could share with you some of my insights."

"Unfortunately, we do not have time for that," cut in Obi-Wan. "We must be going now. Farewell!"

And so we continued on to the next circle of hell. "Here the gluttonous are punished. I hope you brought an umbrella," said my master.

"Why's that?" I asked, "there's not a cloud in the sky. In fact, we're underground. It couldn't possibly ra..."

My voice trailed off as we came to a solid wall of rain. The third circle of hell was eternally rained upon. "Damn," I swore. "Let's move quickly through this one, shall we?"

We plunged into the third circle, our hands over our heads, trying futilely to stay dry. As we ran, I looked around and saw giant crowds of obese people. It looked like a state fair.

Finally, we got to the fourth circle, and the rain ceased. To find out what I and Obi-Wan discovered there, tune in next time!

Pat is crazy.