How to Look Like This Kurt Cobaaaaiiinnn shoop de doop pat iscrazy

Lol, pat is crazy.

Haley

Pat once told me that he had a dream about how when he was 26 he met this girl on the intarwebz named Haley. Something just snapped in him and he harnessed the power of Peppy to DO A BARREL ROLL!!!

http://haley.ytmnd.com/

Oh Bluebird

The Hookfoot version is better.



Pat is crazy.

Does it smell like fire in here

The lessons learned from Pat's latest rampage can be summed up in a mathematical equation:

+

+

+

=

There is a Level Red Crazy Pat alert for Hennepin County until 1 AM CST, Pat is Crazy

Merit Badges

Growing up, Pat was a member of the Boy Scouts of America. During his time in the Scouts, Pat managed to earn several Merit Badges, some of which are now discontinued. Here is a look at some of the badges that Pat earned and what he had to do in order to earn them:

Pyromania

-Set fire to 5 household items.
-Put a cherry bomb down a toilet
-Start a forest fire or a brush fire
-Throw a Molotov Cocktail at a moving vehicle

Hostile Takeover

-Take over a government-run facility
-Keep 25 hostages for 3 or more hours
-Kill a hostage

Circumcision

-Perform a circumcision
-Compare the pros and cons of having a circumcision
-Get circumcised

Religion

-Create your own religion
-Write religious documents
-Get an A-list celebrity to endorse your religion

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

-Do not step on any cracks
-Tap your foot three times
-Tap your foot three times
-Tap your foot three times
-Tap your foot three times

Pat is crazy.

It's BACON!!!

Pat loves bacon.



Unfortunately, what Pat thinks is bacon is actually Beggin' Strips. Pat doesn't know it's not bacon. Pat is crazy.

Patches the Horse

PATches the Horse is crazy:



Pat is crazy.

Beer, Cheese, and Inbreeding

Last weekend I went down to Madison with my family to see the relatives. A lot of this time was spent in the nursing home, where there is never a dull moment. We went to see if there were any board games for us to play, and I was led to a cabinet with half a checker set and the box to Trivial Pursuit...seriously. So the weekend consisted mainly of sitting around and seeing this:

*Not my grandparents

However, the Packers played on Saturday, so my dad and I took this as an excuse to ignore the person who raised him for 18 years and go find a bar to watch the game, I couldn't have been more relieved. We drove around Madison for a while until we saw what looked like arguably the friendliest bar in the state of Wisconsin, Wilson's:

We walked in to the bar and ordered got a couple beers, when all of a sudden, everybody in the bar started to chant that witty Go Pack Go chant they do at the games.

This went on for the next 5 hours, luckily we were saved from the horror when they showed a picture of Brett Favre on the TV. This presented another round of hooting and hollering while a nice young man, I think his name was Pat, came up to us.




It did not sound like a very good idea to take him up on his offer, so we decided to get back to the nursing home before we became accessories to murder. The rest of the weekend resumes back at picture number 1, but unfortunately I dozed off in a fit of excitement.

Pat is crazy, because you can get good beer for 2 bucks in Wisconsin.

Outlandish Claims

I don't know if they run these commercials in Minnesota or not, but here in Oakland Southwest Airlines new ad campaign is somewhat confusing. Instead of talking about how Southwest offers cheaper fare, better service or anything like that, they are claiming (without giving any sort of supporting evidence) that flying Southwest increases your productivity at the workplace. In case you haven't seen these ads, here is one of them:



Doesn't make any sense, does it? Well I did some research and found out that Southwest recently hired a new person to be in charge of their ad campaign. That person: Crazy Pat.

If anyone has any idea how Southwest could possibly increase your productivity at the workplace, please let me know. And remember to keep reading patiscrazy.blogspot.com because it will improve your hearing and make you more attractive to lemurs!

Need To Lose Weight?

Yesterday I was going through some old stuff in my room here in Oakland, and I came across a persuasive speech that my friend wrote for an assignment sophomore year of high school. His topic for the speech was anorexia. His position: pro. I think he makes some valid points. Enjoy, but remember that we here at Pat is Crazy do not necessarily endorse the viewpoints of the following short essay:

Anorexics are often labeled as having a disease. In a society concerned with personal physical perfection, such successfully beautiful people are envied with a fierce jealousy that borders on animosity; the result of such jealous hatred is the alienation and vilifying of what we know as, for lack of a better term, anorexics. Anorexia is not leprosy, rather it is a healthy way of life that is far preferable to the alternative: obesity. It is immoral and a sure sign of ignorance to claim anorexics are unwell.
Anorexia is often ignorantly called a disease. In fact, anorexia merely describes a person who chooses only to reduce meal portions and skip extraneous meals that are nothing but a source of excess calories. It is safer, less invasive, and more cost efficient than liposuction, offers less risk of cancer than diet pills, and is easier to maintain than fashion diets. To ignore anorexia as a healthy, effective tool in weight control is ludicrous.
Obesity is defined as owing 30% or more of a person's body weight to fat. One third of Americans are obese. This accounts for 58 million people. Of these 58 million, 300,000 will die outright from excess weight and inability to perform visceral functions. Their fat will overwhelm their bodies. Of the remaining 57.7 million, 50 million of these people will suffer from high blood pressure, and 40 million will have some form of heart disease. In women, 15 million obese cases will have breast cancer, seeing that half of all breast cancer patients are obese. All told, only 4.6% of the obese population will not have health complications. In America, a mere 1500 people die of uncontrolled anorexia. In the face of such stark statistical contrasts, we are forced to conclude that anorexia is a safer, healthier alternative to the unattractive, cancerous dangers of obesity than invasive surgery offered by liposuction or untested medicinal solutions.
As America approaches a state of total equality, we must remember that even the best and worst of us are but mortals, and that nobody in society, regardless of physical perfection, should ever be shamed for their healthful lifestyle. So the next time you see a beautiful, slender anorexic, don't hate them. Instead offer them your support and encouragement, and maybe they will in turn help you onto the road to anorexia.

Pat is crazy.

An Amazing True Story

Recently, I watched the movie "Bourne Ultimatum." During this movie, one of the characters dejectedly announces, "You can't make this stuff up." This reminded me that I hate all movies in which a character says something like that, because clearly you can make that stuff up. It isn't even hard. On another note here is a completely true story* that you couldn't make up about what Pat did between semesters:

One day, Pat decided to go to the top of 225 South Sixth, aka the Stanley Cup Building.



A strong gust of wind knocked him off of the top of the building. Luckily Pat was wearing a pair of baggy pants, and he was able to take them off and create a make-shift parachute out of them.


Pat managed to float gently down and land on the light rail, which took him to the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport. Once there, he managed to sneak on to a plane heading for New Hampshire.



Once in New Hampshire, Pat voted for Ron Paul in the primary 20 times despite not being a resident of New Hampshire or a registered voter. After voting, Pat had an epiphany. Pat thought of a fool-proof plan to wipe out global terrorism simply using the principles of mechanical engineering. Pat quickly ran to Washington, D.C. where he forced a meeting with the President in the Pentagon's War Room. Unfortunately, just before he announced his plan for peace on Earth, he got into a fight with one of the officers over the deliciousness of roast beef sandwiches.



So Pat got kicked out of the War Room. Pat then stole a tank and drove it back to Minneapolis where he sold it for parts.



The End. Pat is Crazy.

*This story may be completely made-up. But really, who could make this stuff up?

Crazy Pat Is Amazing

http://tinyurl.com/27bmg9

That's the skeel.

Diebold Pat

The Department of Homeland Security has posted several alerts warning about Crazy Pat's propensity for nurga destruction. The terror threat level is RED. Pat will steal the election. Pat is crazy.

Behind the Scenes at the NH Debate

Red State Update obtained the audio of what the Democrats and Republicans said when they were together at last Saturday's ABC News/Facebook debate. Check it out:



Senators Obama and McCain both have won in Dixville Notch and Hart's Location. Pat is crazy.

American Gladiators

In case you somehow did not know, the best show ever made recently returned to television. No, I'm not talking about Cheap Seats without Ron Parker, I'm referring to American Gladiators. Last night's premiere was a veritable thrill ride of emotions: from eager anticipation of the beginning of the show, to disappointment at how ridiculously large the Powerball goals were, to laughter at how that one chick hurt herself trying to run, to rage when the contenders were too tired to make it up the last step of the treadmill, and then back to eager anticipation of the next new episode tonight.

Before we go, let's take a look back at this classic moment from the original American Gladiators. We can only hope that the new one will bring us more of these priceless moments. Pat is crazy. Sweet.

Best Posts of December

And the nominees are...

Best Original Post of December:
Happy New Year!
Hypocrisy
Medical Alert

Best Variety/Video Post of December:
Google Ron Paul
Pat is a Flag Snatcher
Pat's New Mentor

----
Best Posts of November Winners:
Original Post-Pat's former job
Variety Post- Tobor!

Guitar Hero

Does anybody else think that "Guitar Hero" is an extremely overrated game? It seems to me that "Guitar Hero" (and its counterpart "Rock Band") is just the same thing as DDR, except for people who think that they are cool. Newsflash: You're not cool. Live with it. Anyway, here's a video. Enjoy. Pat is crazy.



*Edith Bunker is a character from "All in the Family"