C.J. Wilson = The Opposite of Cool

Game 2 of the World Series, tonight's match-up is C.J. Wilson vs. Matt Cain. Now, I already disliked C.J. Wilson for the mere fact that he pitches for the Rangers, a rival of my beloved A's. But tonight I learned something that made me dislike him even more.

C.J. Wilson is straight edge. Now, that alone I have no problem with, though straight edge people are usually pretty damn uppity about being straight edge. I like taking drugs. They're fun. You should try it sometime. But no, C.J. Wilson didn't stop at being straight edge. C.J Wilson, a professional baseball player, wants to be a race car driver.

What the fuck, C.J.?

What's that? It gets worse? Oh, right. C.J. is on twitter. Again, this, by itself, is not that bad. A lot of celebrities and professional athletes are on twitter. But C.J. Wilson's twitter name is "Straight Edge Racer." Remember, this is a professional BASEBALL player.

Oh, and he spells it str8edgeracer. Seriously.

C.J. Wilson, I hate you.

Pat is crazy.

Nicknames

I'm watching game 1 of the World Series right now (I had to turn the sound off to avoid shooting myself in the head - thanks Joe Buck and Tim McCarver). The Giants are winning pretty handily, so we probably won't see the subject of this post, Brian Wilson.

A Giants fan friend of mine recently called Brian Wilson "B-Wils." This is an awful nickname. Anytime you take a person's first initial, and combine it with the first syllable of their last name, you're going to get a pretty shit-tacular nickname (sorry, J-Hen). So here's my idea for a nickname for Brian Wilson: Vibes.

Here's how I got there:

Brian Wilson, crazy pitcher -> Brian Wilson, crazy musician
Brian Wilson, crazy musician -> Beach Boys
Beach Boys -> Good Vibrations
Good Vibrations -> Vibes (since nicknames should be short, 2 syllable max)

Or if you prefer something along the "Torture*" line, how about calling him Gitmo, or Cheney.

I don't know. Pat is crazy.

*In case you aren't aware, Giants manager, Bruce Bochy, referred to watching Brian Wilson save games as "torture" because he usually puts a few guys on base before recording the last out.

The Tim Horton Era Begins

The Tim Horton Era begins at home versus Penn State. Let's do this thing!

Here we go! I woke up a little late, so there's only 12 minutes left in the 1st quarter. I assume we went 3 and out in our first Horton possession.

-The announcer just told me that we probably aren't going to see a lot of dancing today. This is good, since I am watching a football game.

-The Gophers make no attempt to play defense. No surprise there. 7-0 Penn State.

-When the hell did Ryan "Fucking" Collado start returning kicks? I wonder when he's going to start actually covering receivers.

-First sign that Brewster is gone: we just passed on 1st down. Holy shit.

-Apparently Marqueis Gray knows what the "Diva Receiver" mentality is. And this will make him a better QB somehow. Also, Weber just slid a yard short of the first down. Boy, is he a great, veteran QB!

-TD Gophers!!! I love Tim Horton!!! "Finally something for this Gopher program to cheer about." This may be a bit dramatic. Because I cheered the fuck out of that 1st down a couple minutes ago.

-They're discussing potential candidates for the next head coach. The sideline reporter chick says that Horton is a candidate because somebody in the stands has a "Hire Horton" sign. Pretty sure that's a joke, honey.

-End of the 1st quarter. The score is 7-7. I love Tim Horton.

-Pass to Gray on the sideline, and that gives us our first "Special Forces" mat sighting. I'm so glad Horton kept that thing.

-Announcer: "Royster dances by one tackler." Thought we weren't going to see any dancing, guy. What the shit?

-Weber just got over 10,000 yards for his Gopher career. I can't wait to tell my grandkids that I got to watch the great that undeserving piece of shit Adam Weber. 2,748 of those 10,000 passing yards went to Eric Decker. Just, wow.

-Weber just threw an interception. Sounds about right.

-And Penn State scores on the next play. Gophers down 21-7. And Horton hears a boo.

-Ryan "Fucking" Collado makes the interception. Man, that was a terrible pass.

-It's 4th down and 2. Horton lets the clock run down for like 20 seconds before calling a time out. Joe U jokes that they should give the ball to Hoese since he has never lost a yard. The announcers immediately say the same thing, only they are not joking.

-And we don't make it. Damn. Should have given it to Hoese. I hear he's never lost a yard before.

-The announcers just say that some Gophers player has a "rare missed tackle" on a play. Clearly, this man has never watched a Gopher football game before.

-I just learned that I've been mis-pronouncing Jeff Horton's name. I've been calling him Tim. Oops.

-And it's halftime. All in all, not a bad start so far for Jeff "Tim" Horton.

-Interview with Joe Paterno. He says that his injured quarterback is having some trouble remembering things. I'm guessing Joe Pa knows what that's like. Chick reporter asks if the QB was hit in the head, Joe answers (paraphrasing) "I don't know, I wasn't watching. Get off my lawn!" Ok, maybe not that last part. But I do like that Joe Pa doesn't actually watch what's going on in the game.

-Gophers come out and score on the opening drive of the second half. I don't think that ever happened in the Tim Brewster era. Point, Horton.

-Royster breaks a big run. Announcer: "That was a great job by the quarterback." I shit you not.

-Penn State kicks a 49-yd field goal. Cut to some lost old man wandering aimlessly on the sideline.


-End of the 3rd quarter. It's 24-14 Penn State.

-False start on Penn State. Announcer: "Everybody's pointing." He then giggles like a school girl. I don't think this man has ever watched a football game, because that is what happens after every false start ever.

-More dancing, this time from Penn State backup running back Silas Redd. I wish they would just get back to playing football. Side note: how bad-ass is the name Silas?

-1st sack of the game results in a safety against the Gophers. The announcers comment that the Gophers only have 3 sacks on the season. But remember, we played powerhouses like South Dakota, Northwestern, Purdue, and Middle Tennessee State. So it's not as bad as it sounds.

-The Gophers put up a meaningless touchdown. Horton hears a woo.

-Announcer: "This isn't soccer where you flop and stuff like that. This is big boy stuff." Yeah! Fuck those field fairies! Soccer is for pussies!

-Game over. Final score: 33-21, Penn State. Pretty much what I expected. The defense looked horrible as usual, but the offense at least didn't just go for the time of possession victory like Brewster would have. So, I'm pretty happy with the job ol' Jeff "Tim" Horton did today.

-Post game interview:
Chick Reporter: "What happened to Kevin Newsome, is he ok?"
Joe Pa: "Who?"

Awesome. Pat is Crazy.

Pat Is Crazy Annual Update

Well, I couldn't stay away. And neither could you. Seriously, why are you here?

"Upcoming" posts:

The Tim Horton Era Begins - in which I attempt to watch an entire Gopher football game - and blog about it.

Ice Squids - game recaps of all of Joe U and my hockey team's games.

Don't get your hopes up. Pat is crazy.

The Big Pavelski

The Big Pavelski doing his best Little Caesar's impression

With Joe Pavelski currently tearing it up this post-season, a new nickname for him has emerged and gained significant popularity (it was even used on NHL.com!). That nickname is, of course, the Big Pavelski. Now, there has been some debate on whether or not this is a good nickname. Some will say that "Pavelski" is really not all that similar to "Lebowski." And they would be right. Others say that this nickname should have really gone to former NHLer (and current KHLer) Trevor Letowski. After all, "Letowski" is really freaking close to "Lebowski."

But I am here to defend the nickname of the Big Pavelski. Here are several reasons I think it is a good nickname:

1. Trevor Letowski was not that good of a player. Seriously. Look up his stats. There's a reason he's playing in the KHL now. He was not good enough to earn a sweet nickname like The Big Letowski. I shall, henceforth, refer to him as The Dude.

2. The Big Pavelski contrasts awesomely with Joe's original nickname, Little Joe. Little, Big. Joe, Pavelski. It just seems like a natural evolution of nicknames.

3. In an utterly fantastic coincidence, the Eagles are playing at the HP Pavilion this weekend. Because they are playing, the Sharks cannot play Friday or Saturday night. Now if we can just get Joe to say, "I hate the fucking Eagles, man" on camera, that would be epic.

4. The Big Lebowski is a fantastic movie. Joe Pavelski is a fantastic player. This is a pretty weak argument.

5. "Big" can also mean "clutch." And Joe Pavelski has been very clutch so far these playoffs. He's currently tied for the lead in playoff goals with 7. In the first round against Colorado, Pavelski scored the OT game winner in Game 4, the series clincher in Game 6, and he also scored in the last minute of Game 2 to send it into overtime where his linemate, Setoguchi, would win the game. In Game 1 against Detroit last night, Pavelski scored 2 goals again, including the game winning goal. His 3 GWGs are the most of anybody these playoffs. He has definitely been the MVP of the playoffs for the Sharks so far, and has arguably been the best player in the Western Conference playoffs.

6. Does it sound stupid? Sure. But other people's nicknames are just as dumb. It's way better than Little Joe. It's just as good as "Sid the Kid" or "Alexander the Great" or most other nicknames that are out there.

So I'm sticking with the Big Pavelski. I like it. And I don't care what you think.

Go Sharks. Pat is Crazy.

The Impact of the Bonus Point

Well, the NHL regular season is over. The field of 16 is set. A lot of people* have been wondering though: how would the field look if we didn't have those 3 point games? What impact does the shootout have. Certainly, teams have more wins than they used to have before the shootout was implemented.

*Well, "a lot" may be an overstatement.

Well, luckily for those few people, I have no life and decided to find the answer. I went through the 2009-10 NHL regular season and looked at all the 3 point games played and then adjusted the standings to what they would have been if the 3 point game didn't exist. In other words, I took away a point for losing in overtime (the "loser point") and I took away a point for winning in the shootout (the "skills competition point"), since shootout games would have been ties in years past.

First, here's the standings as they are right now:


Now, here are the adjusted standings:



The top of the standings stayed the same, but there were some shufflings down below. Notably, the Rangers are now in the playoffs as a 7 seed while Montreal drops out, and the Calgary flames sneak into the playoffs as the 8 seed, knocking Colorado out.

All in all, the impact on the standings is actually not that great, but what it does do is inflate the total number of points by about 10 points for every team. Also, I want to point out that there is no way to factor in how much strategy change effects the outcome of the games. This year, a record number of overtime games were played, suggesting that teams are trying to get to overtime in order to get that guaranteed point. So, take this all with a grain of salt.

Pat is crazy. Go Sharks.

MLB Preview

Holy shit. Baseball starts on Monday (I don't care about the Yankees/Red Sox game on Sunday). That means it's time for me to post my predictions, so everyone can look back and see how right I was about everything.

So, we'll start with the NL, which I know pretty much nothing about, since the AL is all that really matters.

NL West

1. Dodgers - the Dodgers were far and away the best team in the West - and the entire NL for most of the year - last year, and there is no reason to think they won't win it again. Their pitching is meh, but their competition in the West is even meh-er, and they still have the best hitting.

2. Rockies - I never know what the Rockies are going to do. It's so hard for me to imagine them not being terrible, but there's no question that in the last two years they've been a decent team. I think most of the credit belongs to the humidor. Look for Huston Street to struggle this year.

3. Giants - The Giants are the one NL team I actually know something about, seeing as I have to deal with Giants fans all the damn time in Oakland. Although, I must admit, I've gotten to like them a lot more since Balco, er, Barry Bonds left the team. Lincecum and Cain are absolute studs, and I like Brian Wilson closing out games. It's too bad their offense is terrible.

4. D-backs - Whoever thought to change the name to D-backs is a D-bag. Haren will continue to be one of the best pitchers in the league, and if Webb can regain his Cy Young-form the D-backs could surprise some people. However, like the Giants, they don't have much offense and will struggle this year.

5. Padres - It's a good thing nobody cares about sports in San Diego, because this team should be terrible.

NL Central

1. Cardinals - As we move East, I know less and less about NL teams. But I do know that the Cardinals are still the best in this shitty, shitty division. There isn't a team in either Central division that I think has a legitimate chance of winning the World Series, but the Cardinals are the closest (sorry, Twins fans).

2. Brewers - I don't know, I guess some people think they'll have a good year. I'm guessing they still won't make the playoffs.

3. Cubs - Nothing ever goes right for the Cubs, and even on paper I don't think they have enough to win.

4. Reds - The only prediction I have is that Ardolis Chapman will be up with the team before the end of the year.

5. Astros - I was barely aware this team still existed. They get about as much coverage as the A's.

6. Pirates - Well, at least they have a sweet ballpark.

NL East

1. Phillies - The Phillies were smart to get rid of Lee and get Halladay. Big upgrade, in my opinion, as Lee looks to be having some health problems in Seattle. Probably all the rain. Anyway, the Phillies are still the team to beat in the NL.

2. Braves - Everybody is jerking off to Jason Heyward's potential. I really don't know much about the Braves. Is Tim Hudson still on the team?

3. Marlins - I predict a lot of highlights showing homeruns being hit in their stadium into empty seats.

4. Mets - The Mets are terrible. But they have the players to be a good team. I think.

5. Nationals - The highlight of the year will be Obama throwing out the first pitch on Opening Day. It's all downhill from there.

AL West

1. Athletics - Now here's a team I know something about! The AL West looks to be the most competitive division in baseball, and it could really finish in any order. That being the case, why would I not think the A's would end up on top? Everybody is saying that Moneyball is dead, but that's because they're idiots and don't understand what Moneyball really is. Moneyball is alive and kicking, and it's all about speed and defense now. The A's will steal bases this year like Rickey has come out of retirement and rejoined the team. Rajai Davis and Coco Crisp will both have 50+ stolen bases on the year. The A's should be able to manufacture enough runs that way to win some ballgames for a pitching staff that is definitely the strength of the team. Not many people know about them, but trust me, these guys can pitch. Ben Sheets is the only big name on the staff, but don't expect him to be the best pitcher on the staff. That should be either Duchscherer (aka the Duke) or Brett Anderson. Dallas Braden was solid last year, but is a bit of a question mark since he can no longer feel all of his toes, but the A's will have either Cahill or Gio Gonzalez (whichever one is not named the 5th starter) waiting in the wings. The bullpen should again be one of the best in the league, led by all-star closer Andrew Bailey.

2. Angels - Man, I hate the Angels. The Angels may have lost Lackey and Figgins, but they never go away easily. Expect them to contend again this year, despite the projections saying they won't.

3. Mariners - The Mariners seem to be a lot of people's dark horse pick this year, but all these people clearly did not watch the Mariners last year (and who could blame them? You have to stay up sooooo late to watch baseball games played on the West Coast!) The Mariners offense is disgustingly bad, and Figgins will not single-handedly change that. They have the best top two starters in the league in Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee, but the rest of the rotation is suspect at best. The bullpen is also suspect. Also, I think Cliff Lee will not be as dominant as he was in the past and may spend some time on the DL to boot.

4. Rangers - The Rangers are another team that people think got a lot better, but believe me. Their pitching will not hold up. Their offense will be good. It's the Rangers. It happens every year.

AL Central

1. Twins - This division sucks, but the Twins are clearly the best team in the division. If they can get even decent pitching out of their no-talent rotation, they should win the division easily.

2. Tigers - The Tigers are the only team that has potential to beat the Twins for the division.

3. Royals - Zach Greinke is awesome. Joakim Soria is awesome. The rest of the Royals, not so much. If anybody can get this pitching staff to produce though, it's Jason Kendall. You just have to put up with his awful batting, which the Royals should have no problem doing since they let Yuni play everyday. No matter what happens, Joe Posnanski will write awesome and hilarious articles about it. That much I know for certain.

4. White Sox - The White Sox are definitely going downhill.

5. Indians - Racists.

AL East

Watch ESPN for you AL East coverage.

Pat is Crazy.