The Perfect, Perfect Game

The perfect game is the single greatest achievement that any pitcher can accomplish. It has only been done, I don't know, let's say 22 times. It probably would be really easy to look up, but I'm feeling really lazy right now. It's amazing that I'm writing anything at all. But let's get back on track: all of these 20 odd games are wonderful, and all of them happened in a slightly different manner. The question I have is this: what would be the theoretical PERFECT perfect game?

-27 strikeouts?

or

-27 pitches?

I initially leaned towards 27 strikeouts, because in order for the pitcher to only throw 27 pitches, he would need all the batters to swing at the first pitch every single time up. That would never happen. But then I thought of a third scenario: what if a pitcher was so good that he could throw the ball at (and hit) the bat (like in that one South Park episode, now that I think about it.) Then, catch the ball in the air to record the out. Then the pitcher would literally be doing all the work. He wouldn't even need the catcher!

Well, that's all I got. Man, this website is a waste of everybody's time.

Be Careful What I Wish For

Long time, no read! As warned, I've been finding it harder to write here with my new job and schedule. I now work during the evenings, and I actually have work to do most of the time instead of sitting in an office surfing the internet and pretending to work. Part of working the evening shift means that I now go to the gym in the morning. Devoted readers may recall that I complained not too long ago that the gym was populated by people who have already achieved the goal of going to the gym - being in shape. Well, let me tell you, the morning crowd is not like this. The people who go to the gym in the morning look like they actually need to be going to the gym.

And... I miss the beautiful people.

Sigh. I'll try to get something on here a little more regularly.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault

I'm back! It is looking like I won't be sitting around doing nothing all day at my new job, and thus I will actually have to do posts here on my own free time. So, expect a drastic decline in the number of posts in the future. But the good news is that I enjoyed the first week at my new job. I'm still in that warm, fuzzy period where everything is new and exciting and it doesn't feel like work yet. I'm sure that will end pretty quickly, but I'm happy to be out of the legal profession, and doing something that I can envision myself having a future in. With that in mind, this week, to celebrate, the randomizer spit out an album that is a legit contender for best album of all time. The only difficult thing is that, well, it doesn't exactly have a name. Yes, it is Led Zeppelin's untitled masterpiece, most often referred to as Led Zeppelin IV.

Release date: November 8, 1971
Singles: Black Dog, Rock and Roll

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Ooh, what a lucky reader you are! This week, you get the self-titled debut album by Emerson, Lake & Palmer!

Release date: October 1970
Singles: Take a Pebble, Lucky Man

The Times, They Are A-Changing

Big news to announce: my career in the justice system is over.

I have taken a position at a winery, to pursue my dream of making and drinking wine for a living. I don't know how this will affect my ability to post on this pointless blog, but I'm guessing that it will be pretty sporadic for a while until I get a new routine set.

In the meantime, here's a link that you should definitely click.

#1 Songs - 1963

As promised, we are back to our regular posts. Let's get things going this week with the hit songs of 1963. Here are the contenders:

Telstar	The Tornadoes
Go Away Little Girl	Steve Lawrence
Walk Right In	The Rooftop Singers
Hey Paula	Paul and Paula
Walk Like A Man	The 4 Seasons
Our Day Will Come	Ruby And The Romantics
He's So Fine	The Chiffons
I Will Follow Him	Little Peggy March
If You Wanna Be Happy	Jimmy Soul
It's My Party	Lesley Gore
Sukiyaki	Kyu Sakamoto
Easier Said Than Done	The Essex
Surf City	Jan & Dean
So Much In Love	The Tymes
Fingertips - Pt 2	Little Stevie Wonder
My Boyfriend's Back	The Angels
Blue Velvet	Bobby Vinton
Sugar Shack	Jimmy Gilmer And The Fireballs
Deep Purple	Nino Tempo & April Stevens
I'm Leaving It Up To You	Dale & Grace
Dominique	The Singing Nun (Soeur Sourire)

As we go further into the 1960s, rock 'n' roll is starting to take over the charts, pushing country and instrumentals to the side. Some country hits still hold on, like "Go Away Little Girl," by Steve Lawrence, but the shift in popular music is undeniable. The song that stayed on top for the longest in 1963 was Jimmy Gilmer's "Sugar Shack." We also get our first number 1 hit by Stevie Wonder, who was only 12 years old at the time, the live song "Fingertips - Pt 2" (the whole song was too long to be a single in 1963). This year also bizarrely featured not one, but two foreign language songs: "Dominique," by the Singing Nun is in French, and "Sukiyaki," a song that is completely in Japanese. I had no idea Americans were listening to Asian pop music 50 years before "Gangnam Style" swept the nation.

The Best:

Overall, 1963 was a pretty good year in music. "Walk Right In," "Walk Like a Man," "He's So Fine," and "Fingertips - Pt 2" were all great songs. But the song that I think is not only the most fun, but also sounds ahead of its time is "If You Wanna Be Happy," by Jimmy Soul.

The Worst:

Not a whole lot of bad songs. There are a few songs that sound dated, or fairly pedestrian, but nothing really stands out. That is, until you get to the last hit of the year, "Dominique." This song really sticks out, and there was a song that's in Japanese (that is really quite good). I really do not understand how this song became an international hit.

Pat is crazy.

I'm Back!

Hello again, everyone! I don't have too much to say right now (so, business as usual). I recently got back from my vacation to New Zealand. Here are the things that apparently happened while I was gone:

The Gophers are still the Gophers - I left the day after their completely awesome Frozen Four victory over the [redacted], only to find out that they then went ahead and lost to Union in the final. The Gophers getting your hopes up only to ultimately disappoint? Yeah, we've been there before. But the victory over North Dakota was a great game. The last time I was so excited watching sports was Oakland's game 4 comeback over the Tigers in the 2012 ALDS.

Speaking of Oakland, they've been doing well, boasting the best record in the AL. The confusing thing is that the bullpen, which was expected to be a strength, has been the team's biggest weakness. If the bullpen can get their shit together, this is going to be a dangerous team. It would be really awesome if we could play somebody other than Detroit in the ALDS though.

The Sharks absolutely crushed the Kings in the first two games of the series. Man, I really wish I could have watched those games. Stay hot, Sharks!

Ok, that's all I got. It seems that not all that much happened while I was gone, and also that the only thing that I care about is sports. Well, sports and vinyl (I picked up two records in New Zealand - and neither of them are by Lorde (vinyl was more expensive there, I still might pick it up here)). Ok, I'll get back to my regularly scheduled posts next week. Until then, go Sharks! (And, what the hey, go Wild, too.)

Words I Wish People Would Stop Saying

1. Selfie

I get it. People take a lot of pictures of themselves these days. But it seems to me that the word "selfie" is starting to become synonymous with "picture." More and more, I seem to come across articles on the internet about so-and-so taking a selfie, but then the picture is clearly taken by somebody else. Sometimes from a considerable distance away. That's not a selfie! That's just a fucking photograph! Also, and this may be just personal taste, a true selfie should not have anybody else but the person taking the picture in it.

2. Photobomb

Anytime somebody is accidentally or unknowingly in somebody else's photo, they are not "photobombing." It has to be deliberate, with the intent of ruining the picture!

I hate people. Pat is crazy.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Sweetheart of the Rodeo

Sometimes bands take a sharp left turn. This week, we take a look at one classic example of that, with the Byrds' Sweetheart of the Rodeo.

Release date:August 30, 1968
Singles: You Ain't Goin' Nowhere, I am a Pilgrim

Your Shoelace Is Untied

April fools! Gotcha!

Happy Friday!

Here's a random thought on this lovely Friday:

I've started going to the gym recently, and my biggest problem with it is that it is filled with ripped dudes. This makes it somewhat intimidating/embarrassing for me, who am weak, to lift weights in front of these Adonises. As I'm pretty sure I heard some comedian say before, all I can think when I see these guys in there is: What are you still doing here? You've already won!

So here is my proposed solution to this problem:

Open up a gym where the weight machines have limits on how high they can go, and no free weights above 20 lbs. This way, the weaklings like myself can still go there and get stronger, but the already buff dudes would just be wasting their time because the weights wouldn't be heavy enough for them to get anything out of it. I think it would be a very popular gym for people who don't go to the gym. It would probably go out of business within a year.

#1 Songs - 1962

It's been a little while since we looked at the number 1 songs, but I'm determined to not let this project die, so let's get back to it. Damn, that sentence was terrible. But, this is the internet and there's no time for editing or doing more than one draft! It's just type and publish. Anyway, here are the songs that topped the charts in 1962:

The Lion Sleeps Tonight	The Tokens
The Twist	Chubby Checker
Peppermint Twist - Part I	Joey Dee & the Starliters
Duke Of Earl	Gene Chandler
Hey! Baby	Bruce Channel
Don't Break The Heart That Loves You	Connie Francis
Johnny Angel	Shelley Fabares
Good Luck Charm	Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires
Soldier Boy	The Shirelles
Stranger On The Shore	Mr. Acker Bilk
I Can't Stop Loving You	Ray Charles
The Stripper	David Rose and His Orchestra
Roses Are Red (My Love)	Bobby Vinton
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do	Neil Sedaka
The Loco-Motion	Little Eva
Sheila	Tommy Roe
Sherry	The 4 Seasons
Monster Mash	Bobby Boris Pickett And The Crypt-Kickers
He's A Rebel	The Crystals
Big Girls Don't Cry	The 4 Seasons
Telstar	The Tornadoes

1962 was not a terrible year in music, but not an outstanding one either. The longest any song stayed on top of the chart was 5 weeks, and three songs managed to do that: "I Can't Stop Loving You," by Ray Charles, and "Sherry" and "Big Girls Don't Cry," both by the 4 Seasons. One rarity that happened in 1962: a number 1 from a previous year climbed back up to the top. That was "The Twist," by Chubby Checker, which first rose to number 1 back in 1960.

The best:

There were a few fun songs that came out in 1962 such as "Hey! Baby," "The Loco-Motion," and "Big Girls Don't Cry," but for me, the song that still holds up the best after all these years is the instrumental "The Stripper." SPOILER ALERT: The video is going to be the end of Slap Shot.



The worst:

There were also a few dreadful songs that somehow managed to top the chart in 1962. I normally don't like novelty songs like "Monster Mash," but it's not as terrible as our winner. "He's A Rebel" features some piano playing that doesn't really jive with the rest of the song, but even so it is still better than "Telstar," by the Tornadoes. It's "electronic music" was inspired by the satellite of the same name and supposed to sound futuristic or something, but it just doesn't hold up. At all. This is the 1980s CGI of songs.

Grandpa Oakland Gets a "Smart" Phone

I am a bit of a Luddite. In school, I never liked using a graphing calculator, preferring a less powerful, simpler scientific calculator (like a TX-30 - is it sad that I know the names of calculators off the top of my head?). Until recently, I owned and used a flip phone. Now, due to outside pressure, I have finally given in and upgraded to a smart phone. I also now own a tablet computer. These are both things that I never envisioned myself owning.

I have always believed that cell phones should be used for making phone calls. When texting first became popular, I was reluctant to join in. It seemed like a step backwards in technology. Surely it took more data to transmit a voice in real time than it did to send a small amount of text, and yet the phone companies were charging you out the ass for this privilege. It didn't make sense to me why anyone would do it. Not only was it unreasonably expensive - $0.10 a message! Can you imagine how expensive phone calls would be if they were $0.10 a sentence? - but it also took 20 minutes to have a conversation that could have taken 30 seconds if done with a call. I could get into a whole thing about what I think texting says about where our society is heading, but for now I'll just move on.

My problem with smart phones has always been that the "phone" part of it is no longer the primary function. They really should take the word "phone" out of its name. Smart phones aren't for making phone calls. Smart phones are small computers with cameras attached to them. They are for checking email. They are for taking pictures. They are for playing games. They are for looking things up online. They are for finding directions. You know why you don't see any more of those "Can you hear me now?" commercials? Because nobody gives a shit! The cell phone company commercials of today boast of their 3G or 4G or whatever-G coverage. Computing speed and camera resolution continues to increase on phones, but voice and call quality remains low.

So now that I finally have a smart phone, what do I think?

One of my biggest concerns about getting a smart phone was the size of the phone. To me, they always looked awkward to hold to your face for making a call. There was a time when cell phones were getting smaller. Now it seems they only get bigger. Part of the reason that I liked having a flip phone was that it was small and fit comfortably into my pocket. Fortunately, that hasn't really been an issue with my new smart phone. It fits in my pocket more comfortably than I would have thought, and although I still find it a bit wider than I would like to comfortably hold it while making phone calls, I'm getting used to it.

My biggest issue so far with my new phone has been battery life. My old phone could go a week without charging it, maybe more. The new smart phone always seems to need to be charged. I'm lucky if I can get two days out of it. Now, I don't know if this is typical, or if it's just the phone I have, but it's rather annoying.

Overall, I'm getting used to having a smart phone. It isn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I'm never going to be someone who constantly browses the internet on his phone, but I do like having the option to do it. I guess living in the future is not so bad. As long as I can keep my vinyl.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Animals

Last week we recklessly dove into the mid-80s. This week, the randomizer has been much kinder to us. It's Pink Floyd's Animals.

Release date: January 23, 1977
Singles: (None)

PIC Video Game Review

Here at Pat Is Crazy, we love video games. Our favorite type of video game: 30 year old games that we can play for free on the internet. So today, we're going to take a look at the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy game!

As you may know, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a popular comedy science fiction franchise created by the late Douglas Adams. It originally started as a radio show, and has since been adapted to just about every medium you can think of - books, TV, movies, and 30 years ago, a video game. Fans of the franchise will enjoy the game, while people who aren't familiar with the franchise will find it very difficult to get past the first level (fans of the franchise will find it slightly less difficult).

The game, originally created in 1984 for this new-fangled device called a home computer, is completely text-based. You type in commands like "stand up" or "drink beer" to guide the characters through the story, and hopefully not kill them. You will almost certainly kill them. A lot.

The game is very difficult. Unless you consult a guide (but not the Guide - you don't get that until later in the game), you may give up before you even get out of the room that the game starts in. If you do manage to get out of the room, or even make it all the way to the Heart of Gold, you probably will still fail in the end and have to start all over again, because the game is perfectly happy allowing you to skip over items or actions that are absolutely essential to beating the game with no possibility of back tracking. A good example of this is the Babel fish. You can easily go right on past the level where you get it, and once you do you can't go back, and you can't beat the game without it. In fact, when the game first came out, they started selling "I got the Babel fish" T-shirts because it was so difficult to solve the puzzle necessary to get it. It gets rather frustrating. I've been playing the game for a few days now, and even with cheating by reading some of the hints when I got utterly stuck, I still feel very far away from beating the game.

So if you've read the books, seen the movie, watched the TV show, or traveled back in time, moved to England and listened to the radio program, I encourage you to give the game a try. Adams was heavily involved in the making of the game, and it shows. The writing in the game is top quality, and it has a wide range of commands that it recognizes. If you do decide to play, a word of advice: look at everything, and pick up everything you can - even the pocket fluff. And of course, always know where your towel is.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Reckless

Time to get back into the vinyl vault. This week, we look at one of the biggest album of the 1980s. Well, one of the biggest Canadian albums. It's Reckless, by Bryan Adams.

Release date: November 5, 1984
Singles: Run to You, Kids Wanna Rock, Somebody, Heaven, Summer of '69, One Night Love Affair, It's Only Love

Random Observation

Why are "smoke breaks" a thing? An alcoholic isn't allowed a "beer break" at work.

I guess my point is, I need a beer break.

#1 songs - 1961

Let's look at the hit songs of 1961:

Wonderland By Night	Bert Kaempfert And His Orchestra
Will You Love Me Tomorrow	The Shirelles
Calcutta	Lawrence Welk And His Orchestra
Pony Time	Chubby Checker
Surrender	Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires
Blue Moon	The Marcels
Runaway	Del Shannon
Mother-In-Law	Ernie K-Doe
Travelin' Man	Ricky Nelson
Running Scared	Roy Orbison
Moody River	Pat Boone
Quarter To Three	U.S. Bonds
Tossin' And Turnin'	Bobby Lewis
Wooden Heart	Joe Dowell
Michael	The Highwaymen
Take Good Care Of My Baby	Bobby Vee
Hit The Road Jack	Ray Charles and his Orchestra
Runaround Sue	Dion
Big Bad John	Jimmy Dean
Please Mr. Postman	The Marvelettes
The Lion Sleeps Tonight	The Tokens

It turns out that 1961 was a pretty dull year in music. There were two instrumentals in "Wonderland by Night" and "Calcutta." There were a few dance numbers like Chubby Checker's
Pony Time" and U.S. Bonds' "Quarter to Three." There's no terrible songs, but there aren't any that are really great either. But, we have to pick a winner and a loser, so let's go.

Happy birthday Drew!

Pat heard you like the Gophers, so he made you a birthday cake.

Pat is crazy.

Happy Birthday Oaktown!

Crazy pat baked you a cake for the special occasion. It seems to fit you well!

Pat is crazy.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - After the Gold Rush

Important news update: the vault now contains over 200 albums! To commemorate this great achievement, let's go to our old friend, Neil Young, and After the Gold Rush.

Release date: August 31, 1970
Singles: Only Love Can Break Your Heart, When You Dance I Can Really Love, Oh Lonesome Me

A Quick Update

Here's a quick update:

•  A long time ago, I created a twitter account for Pat Is Crazy, and then promptly forgot about it. The other day I looked at it, and I was surprised to find that I was "following" over 800 different accounts. These appeared to be completely random, and included many foreign language accounts, as well as a smattering of "verified" accounts. How did this happen? What was the purpose? I know basically nothing about twitter, so I don't know what effects "following" an account has, other than that you receive that accounts' tweets. Has the account been spouting spam? There doesn't appear to be any evidence of that. Anyway, I deleted the account.

• It feels wonderful to be back home and not have to deal with traveling every week. One of my last trips back from Orange County was especially soul crushing. I booked an 8:15 PM flight from Orange County to Oakland. Around 2 PM, I get a text from Southwest saying that the flight had been delayed an hour. Anybody who travels with any frequency knows that while delays are common, they usually do not post them 6 hours before the flight is scheduled to leave, so this was an ominous sign. So I get to the airport around 8 PM, and when I go up to the counter to check my bag, the lady there sees that I'm going to Oakland, and informs me that there is a problem with that flight, and that she has to switch me to a later flight, which is scheduled to leave at 9:50 PM. Instead of an actual boarding pass for this flight, I get a boarding pass-sized piece of paper that tells me to see the agent at the gate for my boarding pass. Meanwhile, my bag is labeled to be put on the 9:50 flight. As I'm going through security, I get two more texts, the first of which says that my flight is now delayed until 10:15, and the second of which says that my flight is now un-delayed to 9:10 PM. When I get to the counter at the gate, the agent explains to me that my original flight's plane tracking software is not working properly, but that it is in the air and will be landing soon, so she will switch me back to that flight. I now ask, "My bag will make it on the plane too?" She answered, "Yes." Now skip ahead to me standing at baggage claim in Oakland. My bag does not show up with my flight. Now fortunately, the flight that my bag took to Oakland landed only about 10 minutes after my own flight, so it ended up not being a big deal. It had been a long day, but I was almost home. I just needed to take the shuttle to the parking lot, and then drive home. I get on the shuttle, and it drives to the parking lot. At the first stop, it opens its doors and a couple people get off. The doors close. We don't move. The doors open and close again. Still not moving. Apparently, these shuttle buses are designed so that you cannot drive with the doors open, which is a great safety feature. Unfortunately, the sensor for telling when the doors had closed was not functioning properly, and now the shuttle was stuck at stop number 1. My car was by stop number 5. Oh, and there was traffic on the way home, at 11 PM.

#1 songs - 1960

Hello again dear reader(s)! I am finally free from the hell that was going down to Orange County nearly every week for a trial, so I should be able to post more regularly now. Anyway, let's get back into it with the biggest hits of 1960.

First, here are the contenders:

Why	Frankie Avalon
El Paso	Marty Robbins
Running Bear	Johnny Preston
Teen Angel	Mark Dinning
The Theme From A Summer Place	Percy Faith And His Orchestra
Stuck On You	Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires
Cathy's Clown	The Everly Brothers
Everybody's Somebody's Fool	Connie Francis
Alley-Oop	Hollywood Argyles
I'm Sorry	Brenda Lee
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini	Brian Hyland
It's Now Or Never	Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires
The Twist	Chubby Checker
My Heart Has A Mind Of Its Own	Connie Francis
Mr. Custer	Larry Verne
Save The Last Dance For Me	The Drifters
I Want To Be Wanted	Brenda Lee
Georgia On My Mind	Ray Charles
Stay	Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs
Are You Lonesome To-night?	Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires

1960 was an interesting year in music. There are songs from quite a few different genres: country, rock 'n' roll, rhythm and blues, and even the novelty song, "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini." It was not a good year for native americans (not that there have been many since the white man came...), as both "Running Bear" and "Mr. Custer" are kind of racist. The biggest hit of the year was the instrumental, "Theme from a Summer Place," which spent an incredible 9 weeks at number 1, which is still the record for an instrumental.

Oakland's Vinyl Vault - Songs For Beginners

Let's break out the vinyl for the first time in 2014. Since this is the first time going to the vault in the new year, let's take it slow. Something nice and easy, that novices can handle. Oh good, it's Songs For Beginners, by Graham Nash.

Release date: May 28, 1971
Singles: Chicago, Military Madness, I Used to be a King

Happy Dew Year!

Hello again! As you probably know, I've been busy with work over the last couple weeks. Thankfully, the trial of the century is almost over, so I should be back to my regular schedule soon enough. Here's some highlights of my last two weeks:

-The parking lot in the office building in SoCal that we've been using as a home base down there was re-paved. Now, I don't know what kind of pavement they used, but apparently one of the key ingredients was dog shit because it fucking smelled exactly like that. It was not a fun week down there.

-I've been noticing on the news a lot of stories about cold weather, and frankly, I'm a little confused. I don't think it's gotten below 70 here. One day it was in the 80s. Must be some sort of joke.

-IT HAPPENED AGAIN. My bag was, for the second time in my life, the very first one to come down the chute at baggage claim. The Oakland airport is a magical place, you guys.

And some other stuff happened, but I think that's all that I'll share for now.

Pat is crazy.