Victory.
Energized by a rowdy home crowd, the Squids finally broke through.
In the first period, the Squids took their first lead of the season. After I cunningly drew a penalty by placing the back of my neck in the path of an opposing stick, the Squids capitalized, making it 1-0.
The Muskies came back with 2 goals in the second period, and appeared to have the Squids on the ropes. But, for once, the Squids refused to lie down. Just 39 seconds after falling behind 2-1, the Squids struck again. Then, with under a minute left in the period, the Squids would take the lead for good.
In the third period, the HUG (Hendrey-Udvari-Galligan) line finally got in on the action when Joe U fired a rocket of a slapshot through the 5 hole to give the Squids a 4-2 lead and put the game on ice.
Pat is crazy.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Ice Squids Game 4 - Hello Cleveland!
Well, I felt bad for not posting the previous game's recap until today (ok, I didn't actually feel bad) so now I'm going to do the rare same-day recap! Huzzah!
This week's game was against the league leading Spiders, so we knew it was going to be a tough one. We hung tough for two periods, but an ugly third made the final score of the game 7-2. No goals scored by the Pat is Crazy line, aka the German Efficiency Line (or GEL).
The game was played at the Eden Prarie Community Center, and holy shit is that place big, and really, really nice. Walking through it to find the rink felt like this:
The highlight of the game:
As we were walking out of the building through the automatic doors, another man was walking into the building through the regular doors.
Joe (to the guy): "What are you drunk? This thing's free!"
Pat is crazy.
This week's game was against the league leading Spiders, so we knew it was going to be a tough one. We hung tough for two periods, but an ugly third made the final score of the game 7-2. No goals scored by the Pat is Crazy line, aka the German Efficiency Line (or GEL).
The game was played at the Eden Prarie Community Center, and holy shit is that place big, and really, really nice. Walking through it to find the rink felt like this:
The highlight of the game:
As we were walking out of the building through the automatic doors, another man was walking into the building through the regular doors.
Joe (to the guy): "What are you drunk? This thing's free!"
Pat is crazy.
Ice Squids Game 3 - Kissing Joe's Sister
Sorry for the lateness of this game recap, but I'm really lazy.
In last week's game, the Squids finally played some defense. However, the offensive struggles continued, and we were only able to manage a 1-1 tie despite a plethora of chances.
The lone goal for the Squids was another Pat Is Crazy special. In the middle of the second period, the PIC line jumped on the ice just as the puck was cleared out of the Squids' zone to center ice. I gathered the puck and took it into the offensive zone, creating a 3-1 opportunity. I drew the lone defender towards me and slid a pass to our center for this game, Galligan. He shot the puck, and, as he does best, Joe picked up the junk and deposited it in the back of the net.
The Squids controlled the puck for most of the game, and really should have walked away with the victory. The tie was disappointing, but still a hell of a lot better than a loss.
For those of you interested in coming to a game, here is our schedule.
Pat is crazy.
In last week's game, the Squids finally played some defense. However, the offensive struggles continued, and we were only able to manage a 1-1 tie despite a plethora of chances.
The lone goal for the Squids was another Pat Is Crazy special. In the middle of the second period, the PIC line jumped on the ice just as the puck was cleared out of the Squids' zone to center ice. I gathered the puck and took it into the offensive zone, creating a 3-1 opportunity. I drew the lone defender towards me and slid a pass to our center for this game, Galligan. He shot the puck, and, as he does best, Joe picked up the junk and deposited it in the back of the net.
The Squids controlled the puck for most of the game, and really should have walked away with the victory. The tie was disappointing, but still a hell of a lot better than a loss.
For those of you interested in coming to a game, here is our schedule.
Pat is crazy.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Fuck Harry Potter
I've never tried to hide it. I hate Harry Potter. And before you start with your whiny, "But you haven't read it! You don't know what you're talking about it!" bullshit, I have read Harry Potter. No, not all of them. I read the first four. That's over half the series.
And do you know WHY I read them?
Because I was in middle school, an appropriate age for reading Harry Potter.
And then I got older and realized that they weren't that good and I stopped reading them.
The reason I hate Harry Potter so much is because of the people my age that continued reading them and believe that they are good books. They are not good books. Harry Potter is the Jersey Shore of books. Entertaining? To some. Quality? God, no.
Pat likes Harry Potter. Pat is Crazy.
I hate you.
And do you know WHY I read them?
Because I was in middle school, an appropriate age for reading Harry Potter.
And then I got older and realized that they weren't that good and I stopped reading them.
The reason I hate Harry Potter so much is because of the people my age that continued reading them and believe that they are good books. They are not good books. Harry Potter is the Jersey Shore of books. Entertaining? To some. Quality? God, no.
Pat likes Harry Potter. Pat is Crazy.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Ice Squids Game 2 - Salary Cap Issues
As I'm sure you know, many teams are dangerously close to exceeding the salary cap, and the Ice Squids (0-2) are no exception. In order to stay under the cap, we had to play with a short bench - only 8 forwards and 4 defensemen - this week, and it definitely showed.
The Squids lost again, this time 7-2, to the hated Jets. No sign of Bennie, though.
The good news is, our own Joe U got in on one of the goals, threading a pass to our centerman, Peick, as he cut down the middle for a powerplay goal. Once again, no goals were scored against the Squids when I was on the ice (though Joe thinks he might have been on for one). Our captain, Ben "Kevin Wehrs" Cirillo, however, did not fare as well and was on the ice for 6 goals against. Ouch.
Pat is crazy.
The Squids lost again, this time 7-2, to the hated Jets. No sign of Bennie, though.
The good news is, our own Joe U got in on one of the goals, threading a pass to our centerman, Peick, as he cut down the middle for a powerplay goal. Once again, no goals were scored against the Squids when I was on the ice (though Joe thinks he might have been on for one). Our captain, Ben "Kevin Wehrs" Cirillo, however, did not fare as well and was on the ice for 6 goals against. Ouch.
Pat is crazy.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
California Counties in Order of Coolness
County (% Cool)
- San Francisco (65)
- Santa Cruz (64)
- Marin (62)
- Alpine (60)
- Mono (57)
- Alameda (55)
- Sonoma (55)
- San Mateo (52)
- Monterey (51)
- San Luis Obispo (51)
- Santa Barbara (51)
- Del Norte (50)
- Lake (49)
- Napa (49)
- Yolo (49)
- Contra Costa (49)
- Santa Clara (48)
- Los Angeles (47)
- San Benito (47)
- Mendocino (47)
- Humboldt (47)
- San Diego (47)
- Siskiyou (46)
- Solano (46)
- Mariposa (45)
- Plumas (45)
- Sierra (45)
- Ventura (45)
- Inyo (44)
- Nevada (43)
- Tuolumne (43)
- Calaveras (43)
- Lassen (42)
- Orange (42)
- Riverside (42)
- Modoc (42)
- Butte (42)
- San Bernardino (42)
- Sacramento (41)
- Amador (41)
- Trinity (40)
- El Dorado (40)
- Yuba (40)
- San Joaquin (39)
- Shasta (39)
- Merced (38)
- Stanislaus (37)
- Tehama (37)
- Placer (37)
- Fresno (36)
- Madera (36)
- Kern (36)
- Glenn (35)
- Sutter (35)
- Tulare (34)
- Kings (33)
- Imperial (32)
- Colusa (32)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Ice Squids Game 1 - Wasn't That Just a Warm-up?
Well, friends, the Ice Squids (aka Warriors) season has officially started! Our first game was this Saturday against the hated Sled Dogs, and unfortunately television coverage was blacked out locally since it was not a sell-out crowd so I'll have to just go on my memory of how the game went.
The Squids rolled 3 forward lines and 5 defensemen. The top line featured myself and Joe U on the wings. In the first period, the Squids really got their legs under them, were first to the puck, and won the battles down low. The only goal of the period was scored by our own Joe U. I controlled the puck behind the Sled Dog net, and somehow managed to get the puck to our centerman, Nate, in the slot. Nate's shot clanked off the crossbar, but Joe U, ever diligent, crashed the net and put in the rebound. He was rewarded by having a 200 lbs. Sled Dog sit on top of him for a couple minutes.
The second period was largely uneventful, as both teams looked rather tired, which was to be expected after a long off-season of drinking and, well, more drinking. The best scoring chance of the period came from yours truly, when I gathered up a rebound. I was all alone in front, and all I could think was, "Oh my god. Puck. I must shoot." And so I rushed the shot and did not get everything on it. For my efforts, I was rewarded by the AHA making sure that everybody knew that I did not have a goal:
The Squids rolled 3 forward lines and 5 defensemen. The top line featured myself and Joe U on the wings. In the first period, the Squids really got their legs under them, were first to the puck, and won the battles down low. The only goal of the period was scored by our own Joe U. I controlled the puck behind the Sled Dog net, and somehow managed to get the puck to our centerman, Nate, in the slot. Nate's shot clanked off the crossbar, but Joe U, ever diligent, crashed the net and put in the rebound. He was rewarded by having a 200 lbs. Sled Dog sit on top of him for a couple minutes.
The second period was largely uneventful, as both teams looked rather tired, which was to be expected after a long off-season of drinking and, well, more drinking. The best scoring chance of the period came from yours truly, when I gathered up a rebound. I was all alone in front, and all I could think was, "Oh my god. Puck. I must shoot." And so I rushed the shot and did not get everything on it. For my efforts, I was rewarded by the AHA making sure that everybody knew that I did not have a goal:
Screw you, AHA
Overall, it was a good start to the season. It took a couple shifts to get settled in, but as the game went on we definitely started playing together better. I'm excited to get back on the ice next week. Joe U got the only goal for the Squids, and our line ended up a +1, so I'm fairly happy with the result.
Oh, I should also probably mention that we also played another period (before the other two I covered above), which I'm pretty sure was just a warm-up, but for some weird reason it still counted in the box score.
Final score: Squids 1, Sled Dogs 5
Pat is crazy.
Overall, it was a good start to the season. It took a couple shifts to get settled in, but as the game went on we definitely started playing together better. I'm excited to get back on the ice next week. Joe U got the only goal for the Squids, and our line ended up a +1, so I'm fairly happy with the result.
Oh, I should also probably mention that we also played another period (before the other two I covered above), which I'm pretty sure was just a warm-up, but for some weird reason it still counted in the box score.
Final score: Squids 1, Sled Dogs 5
Pat is crazy.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
C.J. Wilson = The Opposite of Cool
Game 2 of the World Series, tonight's match-up is C.J. Wilson vs. Matt Cain. Now, I already disliked C.J. Wilson for the mere fact that he pitches for the Rangers, a rival of my beloved A's. But tonight I learned something that made me dislike him even more.
C.J. Wilson is straight edge. Now, that alone I have no problem with, though straight edge people are usually pretty damn uppity about being straight edge. I like taking drugs. They're fun. You should try it sometime. But no, C.J. Wilson didn't stop at being straight edge. C.J Wilson, a professional baseball player, wants to be a race car driver.
What the fuck, C.J.?
What's that? It gets worse? Oh, right. C.J. is on twitter. Again, this, by itself, is not that bad. A lot of celebrities and professional athletes are on twitter. But C.J. Wilson's twitter name is "Straight Edge Racer." Remember, this is a professional BASEBALL player.
Oh, and he spells it str8edgeracer. Seriously.
C.J. Wilson, I hate you.
Pat is crazy.
C.J. Wilson is straight edge. Now, that alone I have no problem with, though straight edge people are usually pretty damn uppity about being straight edge. I like taking drugs. They're fun. You should try it sometime. But no, C.J. Wilson didn't stop at being straight edge. C.J Wilson, a professional baseball player, wants to be a race car driver.
What the fuck, C.J.?
What's that? It gets worse? Oh, right. C.J. is on twitter. Again, this, by itself, is not that bad. A lot of celebrities and professional athletes are on twitter. But C.J. Wilson's twitter name is "Straight Edge Racer." Remember, this is a professional BASEBALL player.
Oh, and he spells it str8edgeracer. Seriously.
C.J. Wilson, I hate you.
Pat is crazy.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Nicknames
I'm watching game 1 of the World Series right now (I had to turn the sound off to avoid shooting myself in the head - thanks Joe Buck and Tim McCarver). The Giants are winning pretty handily, so we probably won't see the subject of this post, Brian Wilson.
A Giants fan friend of mine recently called Brian Wilson "B-Wils." This is an awful nickname. Anytime you take a person's first initial, and combine it with the first syllable of their last name, you're going to get a pretty shit-tacular nickname (sorry, J-Hen). So here's my idea for a nickname for Brian Wilson: Vibes.
Here's how I got there:
Brian Wilson, crazy pitcher -> Brian Wilson, crazy musician
Brian Wilson, crazy musician -> Beach Boys
Beach Boys -> Good Vibrations
Good Vibrations -> Vibes (since nicknames should be short, 2 syllable max)
Or if you prefer something along the "Torture*" line, how about calling him Gitmo, or Cheney.
I don't know. Pat is crazy.
*In case you aren't aware, Giants manager, Bruce Bochy, referred to watching Brian Wilson save games as "torture" because he usually puts a few guys on base before recording the last out.
A Giants fan friend of mine recently called Brian Wilson "B-Wils." This is an awful nickname. Anytime you take a person's first initial, and combine it with the first syllable of their last name, you're going to get a pretty shit-tacular nickname (sorry, J-Hen). So here's my idea for a nickname for Brian Wilson: Vibes.
Here's how I got there:
Brian Wilson, crazy pitcher -> Brian Wilson, crazy musician
Brian Wilson, crazy musician -> Beach Boys
Beach Boys -> Good Vibrations
Good Vibrations -> Vibes (since nicknames should be short, 2 syllable max)
Or if you prefer something along the "Torture*" line, how about calling him Gitmo, or Cheney.
I don't know. Pat is crazy.
*In case you aren't aware, Giants manager, Bruce Bochy, referred to watching Brian Wilson save games as "torture" because he usually puts a few guys on base before recording the last out.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Tim Horton Era Begins
The Tim Horton Era begins at home versus Penn State. Let's do this thing!
Here we go! I woke up a little late, so there's only 12 minutes left in the 1st quarter. I assume we went 3 and out in our first Horton possession.
-The announcer just told me that we probably aren't going to see a lot of dancing today. This is good, since I am watching a football game.
-The Gophers make no attempt to play defense. No surprise there. 7-0 Penn State.
-When the hell did Ryan "Fucking" Collado start returning kicks? I wonder when he's going to start actually covering receivers.
-First sign that Brewster is gone: we just passed on 1st down. Holy shit.
-Apparently Marqueis Gray knows what the "Diva Receiver" mentality is. And this will make him a better QB somehow. Also, Weber just slid a yard short of the first down. Boy, is he a great, veteran QB!
-TD Gophers!!! I love Tim Horton!!! "Finally something for this Gopher program to cheer about." This may be a bit dramatic. Because I cheered the fuck out of that 1st down a couple minutes ago.
-They're discussing potential candidates for the next head coach. The sideline reporter chick says that Horton is a candidate because somebody in the stands has a "Hire Horton" sign. Pretty sure that's a joke, honey.
-End of the 1st quarter. The score is 7-7. I love Tim Horton.
-Pass to Gray on the sideline, and that gives us our first "Special Forces" mat sighting. I'm so glad Horton kept that thing.
-Announcer: "Royster dances by one tackler." Thought we weren't going to see any dancing, guy. What the shit?
-Weber just got over 10,000 yards for his Gopher career. I can't wait to tell my grandkids that I got to watch
-Weber just threw an interception. Sounds about right.
-And Penn State scores on the next play. Gophers down 21-7. And Horton hears a boo.
-Ryan "Fucking" Collado makes the interception. Man, that was a terrible pass.
-It's 4th down and 2. Horton lets the clock run down for like 20 seconds before calling a time out. Joe U jokes that they should give the ball to Hoese since he has never lost a yard. The announcers immediately say the same thing, only they are not joking.
-And we don't make it. Damn. Should have given it to Hoese. I hear he's never lost a yard before.
-The announcers just say that some Gophers player has a "rare missed tackle" on a play. Clearly, this man has never watched a Gopher football game before.
-I just learned that I've been mis-pronouncing Jeff Horton's name. I've been calling him Tim. Oops.
-And it's halftime. All in all, not a bad start so far for Jeff "Tim" Horton.
-Interview with Joe Paterno. He says that his injured quarterback is having some trouble remembering things. I'm guessing Joe Pa knows what that's like. Chick reporter asks if the QB was hit in the head, Joe answers (paraphrasing) "I don't know, I wasn't watching. Get off my lawn!" Ok, maybe not that last part. But I do like that Joe Pa doesn't actually watch what's going on in the game.
-Gophers come out and score on the opening drive of the second half. I don't think that ever happened in the Tim Brewster era. Point, Horton.
-Royster breaks a big run. Announcer: "That was a great job by the quarterback." I shit you not.
-Penn State kicks a 49-yd field goal. Cut to some lost old man wandering aimlessly on the sideline.
-End of the 3rd quarter. It's 24-14 Penn State.
-False start on Penn State. Announcer: "Everybody's pointing." He then giggles like a school girl. I don't think this man has ever watched a football game, because that is what happens after every false start ever.
-More dancing, this time from Penn State backup running back Silas Redd. I wish they would just get back to playing football. Side note: how bad-ass is the name Silas?
-1st sack of the game results in a safety against the Gophers. The announcers comment that the Gophers only have 3 sacks on the season. But remember, we played powerhouses like South Dakota, Northwestern, Purdue, and Middle Tennessee State. So it's not as bad as it sounds.
-The Gophers put up a meaningless touchdown. Horton hears a woo.
-Announcer: "This isn't soccer where you flop and stuff like that. This is big boy stuff." Yeah! Fuck those field fairies! Soccer is for pussies!
-Game over. Final score: 33-21, Penn State. Pretty much what I expected. The defense looked horrible as usual, but the offense at least didn't just go for the time of possession victory like Brewster would have. So, I'm pretty happy with the job ol' Jeff "Tim" Horton did today.
-Post game interview:
Chick Reporter: "What happened to Kevin Newsome, is he ok?"
Joe Pa: "Who?"
Awesome. Pat is Crazy.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Pat Is Crazy Annual Update
Well, I couldn't stay away. And neither could you. Seriously, why are you here?
"Upcoming" posts:
The Tim Horton Era Begins - in which I attempt to watch an entire Gopher football game - and blog about it.
Ice Squids - game recaps of all of Joe U and my hockey team's games.
Don't get your hopes up. Pat is crazy.
"Upcoming" posts:
The Tim Horton Era Begins - in which I attempt to watch an entire Gopher football game - and blog about it.
Ice Squids - game recaps of all of Joe U and my hockey team's games.
Don't get your hopes up. Pat is crazy.
Friday, April 30, 2010
The Big Pavelski
The Big Pavelski doing his best Little Caesar's impression
With Joe Pavelski currently tearing it up this post-season, a new nickname for him has emerged and gained significant popularity (it was even used on NHL.com!). That nickname is, of course, the Big Pavelski. Now, there has been some debate on whether or not this is a good nickname. Some will say that "Pavelski" is really not all that similar to "Lebowski." And they would be right. Others say that this nickname should have really gone to former NHLer (and current KHLer) Trevor Letowski. After all, "Letowski" is really freaking close to "Lebowski."
But I am here to defend the nickname of the Big Pavelski. Here are several reasons I think it is a good nickname:
1. Trevor Letowski was not that good of a player. Seriously. Look up his stats. There's a reason he's playing in the KHL now. He was not good enough to earn a sweet nickname like The Big Letowski. I shall, henceforth, refer to him as The Dude.
2. The Big Pavelski contrasts awesomely with Joe's original nickname, Little Joe. Little, Big. Joe, Pavelski. It just seems like a natural evolution of nicknames.
3. In an utterly fantastic coincidence, the Eagles are playing at the HP Pavilion this weekend. Because they are playing, the Sharks cannot play Friday or Saturday night. Now if we can just get Joe to say, "I hate the fucking Eagles, man" on camera, that would be epic.
4. The Big Lebowski is a fantastic movie. Joe Pavelski is a fantastic player. This is a pretty weak argument.
5. "Big" can also mean "clutch." And Joe Pavelski has been very clutch so far these playoffs. He's currently tied for the lead in playoff goals with 7. In the first round against Colorado, Pavelski scored the OT game winner in Game 4, the series clincher in Game 6, and he also scored in the last minute of Game 2 to send it into overtime where his linemate, Setoguchi, would win the game. In Game 1 against Detroit last night, Pavelski scored 2 goals again, including the game winning goal. His 3 GWGs are the most of anybody these playoffs. He has definitely been the MVP of the playoffs for the Sharks so far, and has arguably been the best player in the Western Conference playoffs.
6. Does it sound stupid? Sure. But other people's nicknames are just as dumb. It's way better than Little Joe. It's just as good as "Sid the Kid" or "Alexander the Great" or most other nicknames that are out there.
So I'm sticking with the Big Pavelski. I like it. And I don't care what you think.
Go Sharks. Pat is Crazy.
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Impact of the Bonus Point
Well, the NHL regular season is over. The field of 16 is set. A lot of people* have been wondering though: how would the field look if we didn't have those 3 point games? What impact does the shootout have. Certainly, teams have more wins than they used to have before the shootout was implemented.
*Well, "a lot" may be an overstatement.
Well, luckily for those few people, I have no life and decided to find the answer. I went through the 2009-10 NHL regular season and looked at all the 3 point games played and then adjusted the standings to what they would have been if the 3 point game didn't exist. In other words, I took away a point for losing in overtime (the "loser point") and I took away a point for winning in the shootout (the "skills competition point"), since shootout games would have been ties in years past.
First, here's the standings as they are right now:
Now, here are the adjusted standings:
The top of the standings stayed the same, but there were some shufflings down below. Notably, the Rangers are now in the playoffs as a 7 seed while Montreal drops out, and the Calgary flames sneak into the playoffs as the 8 seed, knocking Colorado out.
All in all, the impact on the standings is actually not that great, but what it does do is inflate the total number of points by about 10 points for every team. Also, I want to point out that there is no way to factor in how much strategy change effects the outcome of the games. This year, a record number of overtime games were played, suggesting that teams are trying to get to overtime in order to get that guaranteed point. So, take this all with a grain of salt.
Pat is crazy. Go Sharks.
*Well, "a lot" may be an overstatement.
Well, luckily for those few people, I have no life and decided to find the answer. I went through the 2009-10 NHL regular season and looked at all the 3 point games played and then adjusted the standings to what they would have been if the 3 point game didn't exist. In other words, I took away a point for losing in overtime (the "loser point") and I took away a point for winning in the shootout (the "skills competition point"), since shootout games would have been ties in years past.
First, here's the standings as they are right now:
Now, here are the adjusted standings:
The top of the standings stayed the same, but there were some shufflings down below. Notably, the Rangers are now in the playoffs as a 7 seed while Montreal drops out, and the Calgary flames sneak into the playoffs as the 8 seed, knocking Colorado out.All in all, the impact on the standings is actually not that great, but what it does do is inflate the total number of points by about 10 points for every team. Also, I want to point out that there is no way to factor in how much strategy change effects the outcome of the games. This year, a record number of overtime games were played, suggesting that teams are trying to get to overtime in order to get that guaranteed point. So, take this all with a grain of salt.
Pat is crazy. Go Sharks.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
MLB Preview
Holy shit. Baseball starts on Monday (I don't care about the Yankees/Red Sox game on Sunday). That means it's time for me to post my predictions, so everyone can look back and see how right I was about everything.
So, we'll start with the NL, which I know pretty much nothing about, since the AL is all that really matters.
NL West
1. Dodgers - the Dodgers were far and away the best team in the West - and the entire NL for most of the year - last year, and there is no reason to think they won't win it again. Their pitching is meh, but their competition in the West is even meh-er, and they still have the best hitting.
2. Rockies - I never know what the Rockies are going to do. It's so hard for me to imagine them not being terrible, but there's no question that in the last two years they've been a decent team. I think most of the credit belongs to the humidor. Look for Huston Street to struggle this year.
3. Giants - The Giants are the one NL team I actually know something about, seeing as I have to deal with Giants fans all the damn time in Oakland. Although, I must admit, I've gotten to like them a lot more since Balco, er, Barry Bonds left the team. Lincecum and Cain are absolute studs, and I like Brian Wilson closing out games. It's too bad their offense is terrible.
4. D-backs - Whoever thought to change the name to D-backs is a D-bag. Haren will continue to be one of the best pitchers in the league, and if Webb can regain his Cy Young-form the D-backs could surprise some people. However, like the Giants, they don't have much offense and will struggle this year.
5. Padres - It's a good thing nobody cares about sports in San Diego, because this team should be terrible.
NL Central
1. Cardinals - As we move East, I know less and less about NL teams. But I do know that the Cardinals are still the best in this shitty, shitty division. There isn't a team in either Central division that I think has a legitimate chance of winning the World Series, but the Cardinals are the closest (sorry, Twins fans).
2. Brewers - I don't know, I guess some people think they'll have a good year. I'm guessing they still won't make the playoffs.
3. Cubs - Nothing ever goes right for the Cubs, and even on paper I don't think they have enough to win.
4. Reds - The only prediction I have is that Ardolis Chapman will be up with the team before the end of the year.
5. Astros - I was barely aware this team still existed. They get about as much coverage as the A's.
6. Pirates - Well, at least they have a sweet ballpark.
NL East
1. Phillies - The Phillies were smart to get rid of Lee and get Halladay. Big upgrade, in my opinion, as Lee looks to be having some health problems in Seattle. Probably all the rain. Anyway, the Phillies are still the team to beat in the NL.
2. Braves - Everybody is jerking off to Jason Heyward's potential. I really don't know much about the Braves. Is Tim Hudson still on the team?
3. Marlins - I predict a lot of highlights showing homeruns being hit in their stadium into empty seats.
4. Mets - The Mets are terrible. But they have the players to be a good team. I think.
5. Nationals - The highlight of the year will be Obama throwing out the first pitch on Opening Day. It's all downhill from there.
AL West
1. Athletics - Now here's a team I know something about! The AL West looks to be the most competitive division in baseball, and it could really finish in any order. That being the case, why would I not think the A's would end up on top? Everybody is saying that Moneyball is dead, but that's because they're idiots and don't understand what Moneyball really is. Moneyball is alive and kicking, and it's all about speed and defense now. The A's will steal bases this year like Rickey has come out of retirement and rejoined the team. Rajai Davis and Coco Crisp will both have 50+ stolen bases on the year. The A's should be able to manufacture enough runs that way to win some ballgames for a pitching staff that is definitely the strength of the team. Not many people know about them, but trust me, these guys can pitch. Ben Sheets is the only big name on the staff, but don't expect him to be the best pitcher on the staff. That should be either Duchscherer (aka the Duke) or Brett Anderson. Dallas Braden was solid last year, but is a bit of a question mark since he can no longer feel all of his toes, but the A's will have either Cahill or Gio Gonzalez (whichever one is not named the 5th starter) waiting in the wings. The bullpen should again be one of the best in the league, led by all-star closer Andrew Bailey.
2. Angels - Man, I hate the Angels. The Angels may have lost Lackey and Figgins, but they never go away easily. Expect them to contend again this year, despite the projections saying they won't.
3. Mariners - The Mariners seem to be a lot of people's dark horse pick this year, but all these people clearly did not watch the Mariners last year (and who could blame them? You have to stay up sooooo late to watch baseball games played on the West Coast!) The Mariners offense is disgustingly bad, and Figgins will not single-handedly change that. They have the best top two starters in the league in Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee, but the rest of the rotation is suspect at best. The bullpen is also suspect. Also, I think Cliff Lee will not be as dominant as he was in the past and may spend some time on the DL to boot.
4. Rangers - The Rangers are another team that people think got a lot better, but believe me. Their pitching will not hold up. Their offense will be good. It's the Rangers. It happens every year.
AL Central
1. Twins - This division sucks, but the Twins are clearly the best team in the division. If they can get even decent pitching out of their no-talent rotation, they should win the division easily.
2. Tigers - The Tigers are the only team that has potential to beat the Twins for the division.
3. Royals - Zach Greinke is awesome. Joakim Soria is awesome. The rest of the Royals, not so much. If anybody can get this pitching staff to produce though, it's Jason Kendall. You just have to put up with his awful batting, which the Royals should have no problem doing since they let Yuni play everyday. No matter what happens, Joe Posnanski will write awesome and hilarious articles about it. That much I know for certain.
4. White Sox - The White Sox are definitely going downhill.
5. Indians - Racists.
AL East
Watch ESPN for you AL East coverage.
Pat is Crazy.
So, we'll start with the NL, which I know pretty much nothing about, since the AL is all that really matters.
NL West
1. Dodgers - the Dodgers were far and away the best team in the West - and the entire NL for most of the year - last year, and there is no reason to think they won't win it again. Their pitching is meh, but their competition in the West is even meh-er, and they still have the best hitting.
2. Rockies - I never know what the Rockies are going to do. It's so hard for me to imagine them not being terrible, but there's no question that in the last two years they've been a decent team. I think most of the credit belongs to the humidor. Look for Huston Street to struggle this year.
3. Giants - The Giants are the one NL team I actually know something about, seeing as I have to deal with Giants fans all the damn time in Oakland. Although, I must admit, I've gotten to like them a lot more since Balco, er, Barry Bonds left the team. Lincecum and Cain are absolute studs, and I like Brian Wilson closing out games. It's too bad their offense is terrible.
4. D-backs - Whoever thought to change the name to D-backs is a D-bag. Haren will continue to be one of the best pitchers in the league, and if Webb can regain his Cy Young-form the D-backs could surprise some people. However, like the Giants, they don't have much offense and will struggle this year.
5. Padres - It's a good thing nobody cares about sports in San Diego, because this team should be terrible.
NL Central
1. Cardinals - As we move East, I know less and less about NL teams. But I do know that the Cardinals are still the best in this shitty, shitty division. There isn't a team in either Central division that I think has a legitimate chance of winning the World Series, but the Cardinals are the closest (sorry, Twins fans).
2. Brewers - I don't know, I guess some people think they'll have a good year. I'm guessing they still won't make the playoffs.
3. Cubs - Nothing ever goes right for the Cubs, and even on paper I don't think they have enough to win.
4. Reds - The only prediction I have is that Ardolis Chapman will be up with the team before the end of the year.
5. Astros - I was barely aware this team still existed. They get about as much coverage as the A's.
6. Pirates - Well, at least they have a sweet ballpark.
NL East
1. Phillies - The Phillies were smart to get rid of Lee and get Halladay. Big upgrade, in my opinion, as Lee looks to be having some health problems in Seattle. Probably all the rain. Anyway, the Phillies are still the team to beat in the NL.
2. Braves - Everybody is jerking off to Jason Heyward's potential. I really don't know much about the Braves. Is Tim Hudson still on the team?
3. Marlins - I predict a lot of highlights showing homeruns being hit in their stadium into empty seats.
4. Mets - The Mets are terrible. But they have the players to be a good team. I think.
5. Nationals - The highlight of the year will be Obama throwing out the first pitch on Opening Day. It's all downhill from there.
AL West
1. Athletics - Now here's a team I know something about! The AL West looks to be the most competitive division in baseball, and it could really finish in any order. That being the case, why would I not think the A's would end up on top? Everybody is saying that Moneyball is dead, but that's because they're idiots and don't understand what Moneyball really is. Moneyball is alive and kicking, and it's all about speed and defense now. The A's will steal bases this year like Rickey has come out of retirement and rejoined the team. Rajai Davis and Coco Crisp will both have 50+ stolen bases on the year. The A's should be able to manufacture enough runs that way to win some ballgames for a pitching staff that is definitely the strength of the team. Not many people know about them, but trust me, these guys can pitch. Ben Sheets is the only big name on the staff, but don't expect him to be the best pitcher on the staff. That should be either Duchscherer (aka the Duke) or Brett Anderson. Dallas Braden was solid last year, but is a bit of a question mark since he can no longer feel all of his toes, but the A's will have either Cahill or Gio Gonzalez (whichever one is not named the 5th starter) waiting in the wings. The bullpen should again be one of the best in the league, led by all-star closer Andrew Bailey.
2. Angels - Man, I hate the Angels. The Angels may have lost Lackey and Figgins, but they never go away easily. Expect them to contend again this year, despite the projections saying they won't.
3. Mariners - The Mariners seem to be a lot of people's dark horse pick this year, but all these people clearly did not watch the Mariners last year (and who could blame them? You have to stay up sooooo late to watch baseball games played on the West Coast!) The Mariners offense is disgustingly bad, and Figgins will not single-handedly change that. They have the best top two starters in the league in Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee, but the rest of the rotation is suspect at best. The bullpen is also suspect. Also, I think Cliff Lee will not be as dominant as he was in the past and may spend some time on the DL to boot.
4. Rangers - The Rangers are another team that people think got a lot better, but believe me. Their pitching will not hold up. Their offense will be good. It's the Rangers. It happens every year.
AL Central
1. Twins - This division sucks, but the Twins are clearly the best team in the division. If they can get even decent pitching out of their no-talent rotation, they should win the division easily.
2. Tigers - The Tigers are the only team that has potential to beat the Twins for the division.
3. Royals - Zach Greinke is awesome. Joakim Soria is awesome. The rest of the Royals, not so much. If anybody can get this pitching staff to produce though, it's Jason Kendall. You just have to put up with his awful batting, which the Royals should have no problem doing since they let Yuni play everyday. No matter what happens, Joe Posnanski will write awesome and hilarious articles about it. That much I know for certain.
4. White Sox - The White Sox are definitely going downhill.
5. Indians - Racists.
AL East
Watch ESPN for you AL East coverage.
Pat is Crazy.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Fuck the Sioux
Suddenly, I understand where Custer was coming from.
God, I fucking hate the Sioux. And I can't believe the refs just let them get away with it. I want to punch something green, really fucking hard.
God, I fucking hate the Sioux. And I can't believe the refs just let them get away with it. I want to punch something green, really fucking hard.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
More Bracketology!
First off, let me say this: Fuck you, Sweden, for ruining my Olympic hockey bracket. Losing to Slovakia? Really?
Ok, now time for another hockey bracket. This time, it's the Minnesota state high school hockey tournament. Now, I know nothing about high school hockey. I have seen exactly one game of high school hockey in my entire life, and it was International Falls vs. Fort Frances, Ont. (I don't know the names of the high schools, but there's no way there's more than one high school in either of those towns.)
That being said, here's my Class AA bracket:
I know that there is also a Class A bracket, but, as I understand it (and I don't!), Class AA is the big boy bracket. So fuck Class A.
Now, you may be wondering: Oakland, how did you come up with your picks? Well, let me tell you. I typed in "Minnesota state high school hockey" and found two websites made by people who care a great deal about it who have kindly ranked every team for me. I then picked the higher ranked team.
Man, I hope there are no upsets. Pat is crazy.
Ok, now time for another hockey bracket. This time, it's the Minnesota state high school hockey tournament. Now, I know nothing about high school hockey. I have seen exactly one game of high school hockey in my entire life, and it was International Falls vs. Fort Frances, Ont. (I don't know the names of the high schools, but there's no way there's more than one high school in either of those towns.)
That being said, here's my Class AA bracket:
I know that there is also a Class A bracket, but, as I understand it (and I don't!), Class AA is the big boy bracket. So fuck Class A.
Now, you may be wondering: Oakland, how did you come up with your picks? Well, let me tell you. I typed in "Minnesota state high school hockey" and found two websites made by people who care a great deal about it who have kindly ranked every team for me. I then picked the higher ranked team.
Man, I hope there are no upsets. Pat is crazy.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Bracketology
In preparation for March Madness, I have decided to do a bracket for a much easier tournament to predict: the Olympic Men's Ice Hockey tournament! Here are my picks, with some analysis below:
It would be a major upset if any of the top seeds lost in the qualification round, so the quarterfinals is where this tournament really gets interesting. The U.S. game could be a bit of a trap game as the U.S. is coming off of an emotional win against Canada, and the Swiss goalie, Jonas Hiller, is capable of stealing a game for Switzerland. The U.S. has already beat the Swiss 3-1 in group play, and I don't see the Swiss being a problem. The Czech Republic v. Finland game should be the second most interesting game of the quarterfinals. Both teams have great goaltending in Vokoun and Kiprusoff, as well as some great scoring threats. I think the Finns are slightly better, though, and will win. Sweden should beat Slovakia easily. The marquee match-up is of course Russia v. Canada. A lot of people (Canadians) will tell you that the U.S. beating Canada was not a big deal because it happened in the prelims, but this game is why it was a HUGE deal. Many people thought that Canada and Russia would be walking away with Silver and Gold hanging around their necks, but instead one of these two powerhouses will have to go (or stay) home with nothing. This game is a must watch. It's a huge rivalry already, and add to that the Crosby v. Ovechkin element, and both teams are under huge pressure from their native countries to win the Gold. I think that Canada will have Luongo in net, and the Vancouver Canuck netminder will limit Russia's potent offense and win this one for Canada.
The semifinals are a lot tougher to call. The Americans will have a tough game against Finland, but will continue to ride Ryan Miller to the gold medal game. Coming off a huge win over Russia, Canada will have a let down as the Sedin twins put multiple pucks past their Vancouver Canucks teammate, Luongo, causing Canucks fans to become so angry with them that the organization will trade them to the San Jose Sharks (please, please, please!).
In the bronze medal game, Canada will be motivated to walk away with at least some medal, even if it is not the color they would have liked, and the Finns will be finished (see what I did there?). Finally, in the gold medal game I am predicting that the U.S. will win it's first gold medal away from home (although about as close to home as you can get.)
It would be a major upset if any of the top seeds lost in the qualification round, so the quarterfinals is where this tournament really gets interesting. The U.S. game could be a bit of a trap game as the U.S. is coming off of an emotional win against Canada, and the Swiss goalie, Jonas Hiller, is capable of stealing a game for Switzerland. The U.S. has already beat the Swiss 3-1 in group play, and I don't see the Swiss being a problem. The Czech Republic v. Finland game should be the second most interesting game of the quarterfinals. Both teams have great goaltending in Vokoun and Kiprusoff, as well as some great scoring threats. I think the Finns are slightly better, though, and will win. Sweden should beat Slovakia easily. The marquee match-up is of course Russia v. Canada. A lot of people (Canadians) will tell you that the U.S. beating Canada was not a big deal because it happened in the prelims, but this game is why it was a HUGE deal. Many people thought that Canada and Russia would be walking away with Silver and Gold hanging around their necks, but instead one of these two powerhouses will have to go (or stay) home with nothing. This game is a must watch. It's a huge rivalry already, and add to that the Crosby v. Ovechkin element, and both teams are under huge pressure from their native countries to win the Gold. I think that Canada will have Luongo in net, and the Vancouver Canuck netminder will limit Russia's potent offense and win this one for Canada.
The semifinals are a lot tougher to call. The Americans will have a tough game against Finland, but will continue to ride Ryan Miller to the gold medal game. Coming off a huge win over Russia, Canada will have a let down as the Sedin twins put multiple pucks past their Vancouver Canucks teammate, Luongo, causing Canucks fans to become so angry with them that the organization will trade them to the San Jose Sharks (please, please, please!).
In the bronze medal game, Canada will be motivated to walk away with at least some medal, even if it is not the color they would have liked, and the Finns will be finished (see what I did there?). Finally, in the gold medal game I am predicting that the U.S. will win it's first gold medal away from home (although about as close to home as you can get.)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Shaun White is a Better Snowboarder Than God
As you probably know, Shaun White is the best snowboarder in the world. And it's not even close. But what I think a lot of people don't realize is that the reason he is better than everyone else is that he is the only one right now who is willing to go as big as possible. As I was watching the Olympics last night I noticed that Shaun White was the only one who began his run by both starting from the very top of the hill (as opposed to plowing down a little way before starting towards the half-pipe) AND not speed checking before entering the pipe. Everyone else was afraid to go into that monstrous pipe at full speed. Shaun White was not. And that is why he went higher and scored higher than everyone else. (I may try to find some video later to back this up)
Wearing a Tie to Work, or: Why I Love Being an Engineer
Last Friday, I wore a tie to work. I was not required to wear a tie because I am an engineer, and engineers don't wear ties. I did it as a joke. People actually asked me, "Why are you dressed up?" My husband* would probably cry if he heard about this. He works as an investment banker. He has to wear a suit to work everyday. I barely have to wear a collared shirt. Man, I love being an engineer.
*By the power invested in Facebook
*By the power invested in Facebook
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Pat Fell for the Trap
I heard something about Crazy Pat today that I thought I would share (with nobody). Pat thought it was faster to take Highway 55 aka Hiawatha aka The Trap to get from Woodbury to the Metrodome than to take the more traditional route, I-94. Let's take a look at the map. First, the easy way, taking I-94:
As you can see, it's pretty much a straight shot. 18.1 miles in an estimated 21 minutes to get there. Now let's see Crazy Pat's route:
It's 21.9 miles. Not a huge difference, but a little bit more. But here's what makes it crazy: 55 has stop lights on it! That's why it's called the Trap! It looks like it should be faster, but it never ends up actually turning out that way. The estimated time is 35 minutes, about 150% of the much easier route. Pat is crazy.
As you can see, it's pretty much a straight shot. 18.1 miles in an estimated 21 minutes to get there. Now let's see Crazy Pat's route:
It's 21.9 miles. Not a huge difference, but a little bit more. But here's what makes it crazy: 55 has stop lights on it! That's why it's called the Trap! It looks like it should be faster, but it never ends up actually turning out that way. The estimated time is 35 minutes, about 150% of the much easier route. Pat is crazy.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Pat's New Job
Pat has had a lot of jobs. Now that he's out in California, he's become the mascot for the LA Kings. Here is his first promo:
That was disturbing. Pat is crazy.
That was disturbing. Pat is crazy.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Future, Oakland?
With the end of the decade, a lot of people were doing "Top Ten" lists about the top ten whatevers of the past decade. Well, here at Pat is Crazy, we do things a little differently* We're going to do a Top Ten list of the top ten things we're looking forward to in the next decade.
*This claim is totally unsubstantiated.
Of course, predicting the future is hard. Luckily, other people have already done it for us! With that, here is my list for the top ten news stories of the coming decade:
10. Robots
The question isn't when robots will be commonplace in society. The question is when they'll turn against us.
9. Flying cars, hover boards, etc.
If there is one movie that I trust to accurately predict the future it is Back to the Future (part II). And there are a lot of awesome new technologies that should come about in the next 5 years (you'll remember, of course, that Doc and Marty traveled to the year 2015). Although, I'm not too crazy about the direction that fashion is heading.
8. Clones
If it weren't already confusing enough with all these robots and flying cars running around, things should really get messy when people start cloning themselves. Which one is the original Oakland? Does it even matter, since they're both assholes anyway?
7. The combination of the Justice system and reality TV
One of my favorite movies*, The Running Man, predicts this glorious marriage between the U.S. legal system and prime time programming. Hey, it will still be better than any of the shit they have on NBC right now.
*I am required, as a resident of California, to refer to all Arnold Schwarzenegger** movies as "one of my favorite movies."
**I did not know how to spell "Schwarzenegger," but for some reason it was already in the dictionary tool thing in the blogger. Weird.
6. Aliens come to Earth
While there have been films predicting that aliens will come to Earth almost every decade, I've got a good feeling that it will actually happen in the 2010s. Or maybe it has already happened and the damn government is just covering it up.
5. Huge advances in space travel
If aliens won't come to us, dagnabbit we'll go to them!
4. Vampires take over the world
Oh wait, this already happened. Damned Twilight.
3. Kevin Costner justs walks around for, like, 12 hours
Dear god, let's hope this doesn't actually happen.
2. The Oakland A's will win the World Series 10 times in a row
Ok, so maybe this won't happen. But they will at least get a new stadium. Well, actually, winning the World Series 10 times in a row might be more likely.
1. The end of the world
The end of the world in 2012 really makes most of this list pointless*. Damn Mayans. Oh well. Pat is crazy.
*Actually, the fact that nobody reads this blog makes this list pointless. Which explains why I didn't put a lot of effort into it.
*This claim is totally unsubstantiated.
Of course, predicting the future is hard. Luckily, other people have already done it for us! With that, here is my list for the top ten news stories of the coming decade:
10. Robots
The question isn't when robots will be commonplace in society. The question is when they'll turn against us.
9. Flying cars, hover boards, etc.
If there is one movie that I trust to accurately predict the future it is Back to the Future (part II). And there are a lot of awesome new technologies that should come about in the next 5 years (you'll remember, of course, that Doc and Marty traveled to the year 2015). Although, I'm not too crazy about the direction that fashion is heading.
8. Clones
If it weren't already confusing enough with all these robots and flying cars running around, things should really get messy when people start cloning themselves. Which one is the original Oakland? Does it even matter, since they're both assholes anyway?
7. The combination of the Justice system and reality TV
One of my favorite movies*, The Running Man, predicts this glorious marriage between the U.S. legal system and prime time programming. Hey, it will still be better than any of the shit they have on NBC right now.
*I am required, as a resident of California, to refer to all Arnold Schwarzenegger** movies as "one of my favorite movies."
**I did not know how to spell "Schwarzenegger," but for some reason it was already in the dictionary tool thing in the blogger. Weird.
6. Aliens come to Earth
While there have been films predicting that aliens will come to Earth almost every decade, I've got a good feeling that it will actually happen in the 2010s. Or maybe it has already happened and the damn government is just covering it up.
5. Huge advances in space travel
If aliens won't come to us, dagnabbit we'll go to them!
4. Vampires take over the world
Oh wait, this already happened. Damned Twilight.
3. Kevin Costner justs walks around for, like, 12 hours
Dear god, let's hope this doesn't actually happen.
2. The Oakland A's will win the World Series 10 times in a row
Ok, so maybe this won't happen. But they will at least get a new stadium. Well, actually, winning the World Series 10 times in a row might be more likely.
1. The end of the world
The end of the world in 2012 really makes most of this list pointless*. Damn Mayans. Oh well. Pat is crazy.
*Actually, the fact that nobody reads this blog makes this list pointless. Which explains why I didn't put a lot of effort into it.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A Quick Joke
Here's a quick joke for all those people here in Minnesota who are feeling a little down right now:
Man 1: [gasping for air and grabbing at his throat]
Man 2: Oh my god, are you ok?
Man 1: Yeah, I'm fine. I was just doing my Minnesota Vikings impression!
Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha! Pat is Crazy.
Man 1: [gasping for air and grabbing at his throat]
Man 2: Oh my god, are you ok?
Man 1: Yeah, I'm fine. I was just doing my Minnesota Vikings impression!
Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha! Pat is Crazy.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Worst. Post. Ever.
So, a blog post was brought to my attention today, and it is so absolutely crazy that I am forced to conclude that our own Crazy Pat is behind it. The post is about 10 ways that baseball can be made better. Better, not to the casual or non-fan, but to actual baseball fans.
Here are his 10 reasons, a short summary of why he thinks the change should be made, and then my response:
1. Phase in replay and robots.
He says that replays and robots should be brought in to make sure that every call is correct, and that no mistakes are made. He says that umpires should still be on the field to make certain decisions, though I'm not sure exactly what those decisions would be. He also claims that this can be done without slowing down the game.
My first reaction to this is: no. I'm not against replay in certain situations. Here are the situations that replay can be used: home run/not home run, out/safe, fair/foul. However, I think under no circumstances that "robots" should be used to determine strikes/balls. Allow me to elaborate: Home run/not home run: they have already started doing this, as far as I know. There is no argument against it for this reason: A home run ends the play. Therefore, if a home run is hit, nothing else can happen. If they implement this, the umpire can always allow play to continue if a ball is in question (i.e. may have hit top of wall, or slightly above top of wall) and then review the play afterward. These situations are rare, and important, and therefore would not interrupt the game often enough to complain about. Out/safe: some "baseball purists" may disagree with this one. I myself am a little worried that implementing a replay on all close out safe calls may slow the game down too much. In fact, I change my mind. I think it would ruin baseball. It would interrupt the game and cause situations similar to those that football has where I'm always afraid to celebrate fumbles/catches near the sideline when they happen because I know a review is coming. It really takes you out of the moment. And during the course of the game there are a ton of close calls, so it would have a big impact on slowing down an already slow game. Fair/foul: I think this one would work because, again, these situations are pretty rare. Umpires could always err on the side of calling a ball fair, because a foul ball results in a no-play, much like a home run does. Balls/strikes: I think having a "robot" do this would slow the game down tremendously, and I do not think there is the technology currently available to quickly (as in, as quick as umpires) and accurately call strikes and balls. If you could prove to me otherwise, then I would be willing to change my mind.
2. Quicken pitcher pace on the mound.
His main argument, shockingly, is NOT that pitchers take too much time between pitches. It is that they throw over to first too much and that coaches come out to visit too often. Lunacy.
This one is just plain stupid. He suggests that pitchers be penalized for throwing over to first more than once, pitchers should be timed, and visits to the mound should be limited. Penalizing the pitcher for keeping a runner close would effectively destroy any possibility of stopping a stolen base and make nearly every walk, single, and double into a triple. I think this is the stupidest idea of the whole bunch. If he wanted all offensive records demolished, then, yeah, this would be a great way to do it. As for timing pitchers and limiting visits to the mound, well, they already do this, so it's not really a change, is it?
3. Limit or penalize mid-inning pitching changes.
He argues that changing pitchers in the middle of an inning slows the game down too much.
I don't agree with this. What's five more minutes (and that's a high estimate of the time it takes to change pitchers) in a game that takes 2-4 hours to play? Plus, there is rarely more than 2 pitching changes in a half-inning. I just don't see it as a problem.
4. Penalize intentional walks.
He claims that everybody hates intentional walks and that the fans want to see guys like Pujols and Bonds hit. He proposes that an intentional/4-pitch walk be awarded 2 bases instead of one.
Another stupid idea. There is already a penalty for the intentional walk: it puts a man on first base! Plus, I don't think it would eliminate the problem. Pitchers would still find a way to walk tough batters without the intentional walk.
5. Even out the American League and the National League
The AL has 14 teams and the NL has 16 teams. He proposes to move one of the NL teams to the AL so both leagues have 15. He claims this is necessary because it's more likely that as AL team will make the playoffs than an NL team.
Well, I've got news. It may be more likely, but it is not easier to make it to the playoffs in the AL (right now) because the teams are better. Last year, the AL wild card had 95 wins (most of which came against the tougher AL) while the NL wild card only had 92 wins. Is that fair? No. But just deal with it. The reason for the discrepancy is that the teams in each league need to be of an even number so that scheduling works (an odd number mandates that teams would need to have "byes" which would not be feasible in baseball). He suggests in the comment section that this could be avoided by having one interleague series going all the time. I don't like this idea at all. I don't even like interleague play to begin with, and the thought of it always happening is even worse. The only solution that I would be ok with is to expand the AL by two teams or contract the NL by two teams. I do think that both leagues should have the same number of teams, but I also think that they should have an even number of teams. It would also be nice if that number was divisible by three so that there would be an even number of teams in each of the divisions. Or maybe change the number of divisions to 4 or 2. This is, I think, a legitimate problem with baseball. I think that all the recent expansion never should have happened and that both leagues should still only have 14 teams. Seriously, did we really need the Dbacks and the Rays? They really fucked things up. 14 teams in each league, 2 divisions each. That's how it should be.
6. Resolve the payroll problem
This one is pretty obvious. He proposes there be either a salary cap OR FLOOR.
I get the want for a salary cap, but a floor? Force teams into bankruptcy? How does that help them get better? A floor doesn't stop the Yankees from out-spending everyone. A cap does make sense, though. Strangely, however, I am against it. Even though it would benefit the small-market A's that I love so dearly, I kind of like the whole David-vs-Goliath thing that not having a cap creates. I don't know. I'm probably in a very small minority of small-market fans in that one.
7. Condense the playoff schedule
He argues that the playoffs should be condensed to more accurately reflect the regular season. In the playoffs, because there are so many off days, teams only need to use their top 3 starting pitchers, whereas in the regular season they use 5.
For once, I completely agree. The playoffs should be condensed. Unfortunately, it'll never happen because the reason they are spread out is the tv schedule. Money rules all.
8. Resolve the PED problem
He suggests that PEDs should be allowed, because this is the only way to resolve the problem. He also compares having laser eye surgery to taking steroids. Seriously.
I kind of agree with this one. Only, not really. I don't think that steroids should be allowed and I think every effort should be made to prevent them from being used. I think it may be a losing battle, but then again, maybe not. I think part of the problem in the "steroid era" was that it was thought of as acceptable in baseball culture to use steroids. I think the best way to prevent further PED abuse is to change the culture of baseball to a point where people who are caught, even by there teammates/managers and not the media, using will be ostracized. As for the comparison to laser eye surgery, I'll just say this: on the surface, it's a good comparison. Both PEDs and laser eye surgery improve a player's natural ability to play baseball. The difference, to me, though is that some people naturally have very good vision. Even better than 20/20. Nobody naturally has the muscle/healing powers that steroids give you. Except maybe Wolverine.
9. Take measures to reduce take-out slides and home plate collisions.
He says that take-out slides and home plate collisions are dangerous. He suggests making the take-out slide illegal (and enforced with an automatic ejection) that plays at the plate which are not forces should require the player to slide.
Wow. This guy probably thinks that football should be two-hand touch, as well. How many players can you name that were seriously injured by a take-out slide or a home plate collision? It certainly doesn't seem like a problem to me. The real problem I have with this one is that he claims the players on the receiving end are not prepared to take the hit because they don't know it's coming. Are you kidding? They definitely know it is coming.
10. Penalize the HBP
See number 4.
Again. Already penalized because it puts a man on base. Intentional beanballs are already illegal and the pitcher is thrown out of the game. I just don't see what more can be done. Balls to the head do warrant a suspension, and I think probably people have been suspended for throwing at a guy's head, but I'm too lazy to check.
So, as you can see, it was a terrible blog post. This guy is not a real baseball fan. He is a moron. 2-to-1 says he is a basketball fan.
Pat is crazy.
Here are his 10 reasons, a short summary of why he thinks the change should be made, and then my response:
1. Phase in replay and robots.
He says that replays and robots should be brought in to make sure that every call is correct, and that no mistakes are made. He says that umpires should still be on the field to make certain decisions, though I'm not sure exactly what those decisions would be. He also claims that this can be done without slowing down the game.
My first reaction to this is: no. I'm not against replay in certain situations. Here are the situations that replay can be used: home run/not home run, out/safe, fair/foul. However, I think under no circumstances that "robots" should be used to determine strikes/balls. Allow me to elaborate: Home run/not home run: they have already started doing this, as far as I know. There is no argument against it for this reason: A home run ends the play. Therefore, if a home run is hit, nothing else can happen. If they implement this, the umpire can always allow play to continue if a ball is in question (i.e. may have hit top of wall, or slightly above top of wall) and then review the play afterward. These situations are rare, and important, and therefore would not interrupt the game often enough to complain about. Out/safe: some "baseball purists" may disagree with this one. I myself am a little worried that implementing a replay on all close out safe calls may slow the game down too much. In fact, I change my mind. I think it would ruin baseball. It would interrupt the game and cause situations similar to those that football has where I'm always afraid to celebrate fumbles/catches near the sideline when they happen because I know a review is coming. It really takes you out of the moment. And during the course of the game there are a ton of close calls, so it would have a big impact on slowing down an already slow game. Fair/foul: I think this one would work because, again, these situations are pretty rare. Umpires could always err on the side of calling a ball fair, because a foul ball results in a no-play, much like a home run does. Balls/strikes: I think having a "robot" do this would slow the game down tremendously, and I do not think there is the technology currently available to quickly (as in, as quick as umpires) and accurately call strikes and balls. If you could prove to me otherwise, then I would be willing to change my mind.
2. Quicken pitcher pace on the mound.
His main argument, shockingly, is NOT that pitchers take too much time between pitches. It is that they throw over to first too much and that coaches come out to visit too often. Lunacy.
This one is just plain stupid. He suggests that pitchers be penalized for throwing over to first more than once, pitchers should be timed, and visits to the mound should be limited. Penalizing the pitcher for keeping a runner close would effectively destroy any possibility of stopping a stolen base and make nearly every walk, single, and double into a triple. I think this is the stupidest idea of the whole bunch. If he wanted all offensive records demolished, then, yeah, this would be a great way to do it. As for timing pitchers and limiting visits to the mound, well, they already do this, so it's not really a change, is it?
3. Limit or penalize mid-inning pitching changes.
He argues that changing pitchers in the middle of an inning slows the game down too much.
I don't agree with this. What's five more minutes (and that's a high estimate of the time it takes to change pitchers) in a game that takes 2-4 hours to play? Plus, there is rarely more than 2 pitching changes in a half-inning. I just don't see it as a problem.
4. Penalize intentional walks.
He claims that everybody hates intentional walks and that the fans want to see guys like Pujols and Bonds hit. He proposes that an intentional/4-pitch walk be awarded 2 bases instead of one.
Another stupid idea. There is already a penalty for the intentional walk: it puts a man on first base! Plus, I don't think it would eliminate the problem. Pitchers would still find a way to walk tough batters without the intentional walk.
5. Even out the American League and the National League
The AL has 14 teams and the NL has 16 teams. He proposes to move one of the NL teams to the AL so both leagues have 15. He claims this is necessary because it's more likely that as AL team will make the playoffs than an NL team.
Well, I've got news. It may be more likely, but it is not easier to make it to the playoffs in the AL (right now) because the teams are better. Last year, the AL wild card had 95 wins (most of which came against the tougher AL) while the NL wild card only had 92 wins. Is that fair? No. But just deal with it. The reason for the discrepancy is that the teams in each league need to be of an even number so that scheduling works (an odd number mandates that teams would need to have "byes" which would not be feasible in baseball). He suggests in the comment section that this could be avoided by having one interleague series going all the time. I don't like this idea at all. I don't even like interleague play to begin with, and the thought of it always happening is even worse. The only solution that I would be ok with is to expand the AL by two teams or contract the NL by two teams. I do think that both leagues should have the same number of teams, but I also think that they should have an even number of teams. It would also be nice if that number was divisible by three so that there would be an even number of teams in each of the divisions. Or maybe change the number of divisions to 4 or 2. This is, I think, a legitimate problem with baseball. I think that all the recent expansion never should have happened and that both leagues should still only have 14 teams. Seriously, did we really need the Dbacks and the Rays? They really fucked things up. 14 teams in each league, 2 divisions each. That's how it should be.
6. Resolve the payroll problem
This one is pretty obvious. He proposes there be either a salary cap OR FLOOR.
I get the want for a salary cap, but a floor? Force teams into bankruptcy? How does that help them get better? A floor doesn't stop the Yankees from out-spending everyone. A cap does make sense, though. Strangely, however, I am against it. Even though it would benefit the small-market A's that I love so dearly, I kind of like the whole David-vs-Goliath thing that not having a cap creates. I don't know. I'm probably in a very small minority of small-market fans in that one.
7. Condense the playoff schedule
He argues that the playoffs should be condensed to more accurately reflect the regular season. In the playoffs, because there are so many off days, teams only need to use their top 3 starting pitchers, whereas in the regular season they use 5.
For once, I completely agree. The playoffs should be condensed. Unfortunately, it'll never happen because the reason they are spread out is the tv schedule. Money rules all.
8. Resolve the PED problem
He suggests that PEDs should be allowed, because this is the only way to resolve the problem. He also compares having laser eye surgery to taking steroids. Seriously.
I kind of agree with this one. Only, not really. I don't think that steroids should be allowed and I think every effort should be made to prevent them from being used. I think it may be a losing battle, but then again, maybe not. I think part of the problem in the "steroid era" was that it was thought of as acceptable in baseball culture to use steroids. I think the best way to prevent further PED abuse is to change the culture of baseball to a point where people who are caught, even by there teammates/managers and not the media, using will be ostracized. As for the comparison to laser eye surgery, I'll just say this: on the surface, it's a good comparison. Both PEDs and laser eye surgery improve a player's natural ability to play baseball. The difference, to me, though is that some people naturally have very good vision. Even better than 20/20. Nobody naturally has the muscle/healing powers that steroids give you. Except maybe Wolverine.
9. Take measures to reduce take-out slides and home plate collisions.
He says that take-out slides and home plate collisions are dangerous. He suggests making the take-out slide illegal (and enforced with an automatic ejection) that plays at the plate which are not forces should require the player to slide.
Wow. This guy probably thinks that football should be two-hand touch, as well. How many players can you name that were seriously injured by a take-out slide or a home plate collision? It certainly doesn't seem like a problem to me. The real problem I have with this one is that he claims the players on the receiving end are not prepared to take the hit because they don't know it's coming. Are you kidding? They definitely know it is coming.
10. Penalize the HBP
See number 4.
Again. Already penalized because it puts a man on base. Intentional beanballs are already illegal and the pitcher is thrown out of the game. I just don't see what more can be done. Balls to the head do warrant a suspension, and I think probably people have been suspended for throwing at a guy's head, but I'm too lazy to check.
So, as you can see, it was a terrible blog post. This guy is not a real baseball fan. He is a moron. 2-to-1 says he is a basketball fan.
Pat is crazy.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Company Ink
I was at work today, and an old saying came into my mind: "Don't dip your pen in the company ink." And I thought, that makes no sense. Now, before you barrage me with a bunch of comments* telling me I'm an idiot, and explaining the saying to me, I get it. It means you shouldn't have sex with your co-workers. Pen = Steven Joe Pat (that's the name of my penis. Don't ask). Company ink = co-worker's vagina. But my question is this: how did the saying start in the first place?
*Man, I really wish people read/left comments on this blog.
I mean, forget about the metaphor and just look at it as a literal statement. Don't dip your pen in the company ink? What kind of company is this that makes you bring your own ink? I could understand maybe an ink company not wanting you to use the company ink, but even they should provide some ink for their employees to use. I mean, seriously. It's going to be pretty hard to run a company when none of your employees have any ink to write with.
*Man, I really wish people read/left comments on this blog.
I mean, forget about the metaphor and just look at it as a literal statement. Don't dip your pen in the company ink? What kind of company is this that makes you bring your own ink? I could understand maybe an ink company not wanting you to use the company ink, but even they should provide some ink for their employees to use. I mean, seriously. It's going to be pretty hard to run a company when none of your employees have any ink to write with.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The End of the Decade?
While at work today, I overheard an mind-numbingly boring conversation. Here's a quick summary:
Obviously, they were discussing the fact that, technically, the new decade does not start until 2011, since there was no year 0. Well, in my extreme boredom, I had a thought: Who gives a shit? I ask you, reader*, do you consider the year 1980 to be part of the 80's? 1960 to be part of the 60's? What's that? You do? Because everybody does? Yeah, that's what I thought. So who gives a shit if there was no year 0. It's a new decade, and anyone who says it isn't is a prick.
*I realize there are no readers of this blog.**
**If there were readers, they would probably recognize that I stole this whole asterisk-aside thing from Joe Posnanski. What can I say? Ya got me.
Obviously, they were discussing the fact that, technically, the new decade does not start until 2011, since there was no year 0. Well, in my extreme boredom, I had a thought: Who gives a shit? I ask you, reader*, do you consider the year 1980 to be part of the 80's? 1960 to be part of the 60's? What's that? You do? Because everybody does? Yeah, that's what I thought. So who gives a shit if there was no year 0. It's a new decade, and anyone who says it isn't is a prick.
*I realize there are no readers of this blog.**
**If there were readers, they would probably recognize that I stole this whole asterisk-aside thing from Joe Posnanski. What can I say? Ya got me.
Monday, January 4, 2010
East Coast Bias
With the A's recent re-signing of super stud Justin Duchscherer...er..er..er... it got me thinking about baseball. So I was looking at last season's standings and something struck me: the AL West was the best division in baseball. Now, I know what you're thinking: You're crazier than Pat, Oakland! The AL East is easily the best division in baseball! They have the Yankees AND the Red Sox! I watch Sports-center all day and I'm barely aware that other teams exist!
Well, I'm not crazy. The numbers back me up. When compared head-to-head, the AL West beat up on the other divisions. The only teams not in the AL West to have a winning record against the AL West are: the Yankees, the Tigers, and the Blue Jays. Yeah, I don't know how the Blue Jays did it either. Now, on the other hand the only teams to have a winning record against the AL East (that are not in the AL East) are: the Angels, the Rangers, and the Mariners. All AL West teams. Even the lowly A's were 21-23 against the East. (And pretty much everyone beat up on the AL Central). The AL West was a combined .549 against the other two divisions, the highest of any of the three.
So what about the NL divisions? What about them? The NL sucks!
Now, looking at the standings for so long, another thing hit me: why the hell does the AL West only have 4 teams? And how does that affect things? Well, the affect is this: The AL West teams play only 57 divisional games, while the other two divisions play 72 games against their division. That means that AL West teams have to play 15 additional games against non-division opponents. This has two affects: First, it means that they have to play teams they are less familiar with more often than the teams in the other division. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's different, that's for sure. Second, it means more travel. Now, this is doubly unfair because teams out west already have more traveling to do than Eastern teams. Traveling more DEFINITELY makes it harder to win consistently.
I understand the reasons for scheduling it like this, but it still pisses me off. Go A's. Pat is crazy.
Well, I'm not crazy. The numbers back me up. When compared head-to-head, the AL West beat up on the other divisions. The only teams not in the AL West to have a winning record against the AL West are: the Yankees, the Tigers, and the Blue Jays. Yeah, I don't know how the Blue Jays did it either. Now, on the other hand the only teams to have a winning record against the AL East (that are not in the AL East) are: the Angels, the Rangers, and the Mariners. All AL West teams. Even the lowly A's were 21-23 against the East. (And pretty much everyone beat up on the AL Central). The AL West was a combined .549 against the other two divisions, the highest of any of the three.
So what about the NL divisions? What about them? The NL sucks!
Now, looking at the standings for so long, another thing hit me: why the hell does the AL West only have 4 teams? And how does that affect things? Well, the affect is this: The AL West teams play only 57 divisional games, while the other two divisions play 72 games against their division. That means that AL West teams have to play 15 additional games against non-division opponents. This has two affects: First, it means that they have to play teams they are less familiar with more often than the teams in the other division. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's different, that's for sure. Second, it means more travel. Now, this is doubly unfair because teams out west already have more traveling to do than Eastern teams. Traveling more DEFINITELY makes it harder to win consistently.
I understand the reasons for scheduling it like this, but it still pisses me off. Go A's. Pat is crazy.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Jumbo Joe's Second Career?
Joe Thornton is already thinking about what he's going to do after hockey. It's a good thing he still has time to work on his act.
Here's Joe's second attempt: I think he's gotten a little better.
Sorry I couldn't figure out how to embed the video. I blame Pat. Pat is crazy.
Here's Joe's second attempt: I think he's gotten a little better.
Sorry I couldn't figure out how to embed the video. I blame Pat. Pat is crazy.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy Dew Year
New year's resolutions:
Stop being so damn lazy.
Stop being so damn cheap.
Revive patiscrazy.blogspot.com?
Pat will be even crazier this decade.
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